Posts Tagged ‘fantasy football’

Beltway Bloggers Fantasy Football League

Some of your favorite Redskins bloggers have combined to start a fantasy football league named the Beltway Bloggers. The first annual draft was held Sunday evening and we all had a great time drafting our teams and talking a little smack.

I can’t speak on behalf of my competitors but I for one have a definite admiration and respect for the work that they do…and I also want to kick their ass in this league. Here’s a list of the teams competing in the league along with a team recap from the draft:

Hogs Haven - Kevin and Ken

Definitely stole the crown of “Homer” from Murf. HH drafted Moss, Portis, Cooley, Gano and the Skins D. They also drafted each one of those guys a couple of rounds earlier than they should have.

106.7 The Fan - Grant Paulsen

I guess someone had to do it, but GP is the guy who drafted Romo…he caught a little shit for that. GP also managed to somehow get both DeAngelo Williams and Michael Turner…he might go on Letterman again for that one.

Real Redskins/CSN - Rich Tandler

I love RT and I was glad he joined our league until he went and drafted perhaps the best team in the league. He was the king of “value picks” and on paper may be the early favorite…but the games aren’t played on paper, the games are played on the Internet.

Homer McFanBoy - Brian Murphy

Murf is very proud of his team and tweeted afterwards that his team is “stacked”. He also bragged about drinking a Fat Tire which pissed me off. I was warned beforehand that Murf would be a formidable opponent and yes he will be.

Redskins Blog - Matt Terl

Terl was the last pick in our snake draft and spent the better part of the draft complaining about how much his team sucked. I think he went to the Joe Gibbs school of describing his team because it’s actually pretty good. Who said we’re good, Playboy?

The Cooley Zone - Tanner Cooley

I’m not even convinced this pretty boy is better looking than me, let alone better than me in fantasy football. Our recent Twitter exchanges:

TC: are you in fantasy life? I’m going to destroy you in our league.
FP: my team pisses on yours
TC: false. You’re fucked
FP: your team looks like it’s a couple of wine coolers away from sucking a dick.

Can’t you just feel the love?

D.C. Sports Bog - Dan Steinberg

Steinz had the first pick in our draft and provided all of us with the best moment in our draft by doing something I’ve never seen in 15 years of fantasy football drafting. With the 40th and 41st picks in the draft Steinz picked Clark and Gates, back to back TE’s!

Mr. Irrelevant - Jamie Mottram

Mottram was somehow able to draft a very solid team while also watching a J-Lo movie with his wife, impressive. Also impressive was Jamie’s ability to change the black out times for the draft on Yahoo. His team is loaded with good/great players on average/bad teams which is usually a good recipe.

106.7 The Fan - Danny Rouhier

Danny definitely talked more than anyone else…he talked smack, he kissed ass and he did a lot of pre-draft talking about not drafting Cowboys. Danny then went out and drafted a couple Cowboys and a bunch of Giants.

Best of luck to everyone involved, good times.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Monday, August 30, 2010

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The FFFL Trophy!

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated the Faptickled Fantasy Football League, which is brought to you by The Cooley Zone along with honorary commissioner Kenny Mayne. And…wow let me get you caught up!

We have 12 participants in the league, which consist of 10 guys and 2 chicks. Thru Week 7, both girls are in first place! The Tightest End and Romo’s New Jessica are sitting atop the two divisions!

The Tightest End has won 2 in a row to pull into a 3 way tie with The Staches and 15 Swinging Dicks…all teams are 4-3. Fanfuckingtastic, The New Kent Zornicators and Dead Man Walking are right behind at 3-4.

In the other division, Romo’s New Jessica is 6-1, and holds a two game lead over Orakpo’s Bandwagon and Skins N’ Beer. Muffin Head, Ninja’s Will Owl and King Of Vols are still in it and vying for a playoff spot.

The winner gets to sign Cooley’s cast…ooops I mean the winner gets a Chris Cooley signed jersey…are the guys really going to get their asses kicked by the girls???

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Thursday, October 29, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled

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The All-Time Greatest Fantasy Football Team

You ever wonder what would be the greatest fantasy football team ever? Well wonder no more, here it is in all it’s glory. This isn’t a list of the greatest fantasy players of all-time, but a list of the greatest fantasy seasons from each position. Basic fantasy scoring was used to compile this list and no players were bumped up or omitted based upon my personal preferences…this is the real deal. I love the fact that players from the 50′s,70′s and 80′s made the squad…with Ditka narrowly missing from the 60′s. Here’s the greatest fantasy football team ever:


Tom Brady 07’
Before Giselle, Brady was a stud…4,800 yards and 50 TD’s passing plus another 2 more rushing as an added bonus.

Daunte Culpepper 04’
There was a time when Daunte was the greatest QB in fantasy…that time was the year before I drafted him in the first round, otherwise known as the year before he blew out his knee and was never the same. 4,717 yards passing to go along with 406 rushing and 41TD’s in 04’.

(honorable mention (H.M) Marino 84’, Young 98’, Manning 04’)


Marshall Faulk 00’
For 4-5 years straight every draft started with this guy’s name being called…in 2000 he peaked with 2,189 yards rushing/receiving and 26TD’s (in 14 games.)

Priest Holmes 03’
After Marshall stopped going # one, this guy replaced him and in 03’ he went off for 2,110 yards and 27TD’s.

Emmitt Smith 95’
Emmitt turned his nearly 30 touches a game into 2,148 yards and 25TD’s in 95’.

Shaun Alexander 05’
Alexander set the record for rushing TD’s in 05’ with 27 and added 1,880 yards on the ground.

OJ Simpson 75’
In 73’ OJ rushed for 2000 yards, in 75’ he was better…2,243 total yards and 23TD’s in only 14 games!

(H.M. Craig 85’ T. Davis 98’, A. Green 03’)


Randy Moss 07’
98 catches for 1,493 yards and a NFL record 23 receiving TD’s.

Jerry Rice 95’
Not the 87’ season w/ 23 TD’s in 95’ he had 122 receptions for 1,848 yards and 16TD’s.

Isaac Bruce 95’
Before the greatest show on turf Bruce was the man 119 rec’s 1,798 yds & 13TD’s.

Herman Moore 95’
95’ featured 3 of the best fantasy seasons ever by a WR, Moore went for 123-1,686-14.

Elroy Hirsch 51’
I love that someone makes this team that played in the 50’s…you can’t deny “Crazy Legs” stats, 17TD’s and 1,498 yards in a 12 game season!

(H.M. Clayton 84’, Carter 95’, Owens 01’)

Tight End

Antonio Gates 05’
The best season ever for a TE, 89-1,101-10.

Kellen Winslow 80’
He led the NFL with 89 catches, had 9TD’s and set a record for yards by a TE with 1,290.

(H.M. Ditka 61’ Gonzalez 00’)


Jeff Wilkins 03′
Kicking for the greatest show on turf he nailed 39FG’s and 46XP’s plus 4FG’s of 50+.

Gary Anderson 98’
His 35FG’s, 59XP’s and 2FG’s of 50+ were nice….but his 34 points in weeks 15&16 helped a lot of folks win their leagues.

(H.M. Mosely 84’ Vanderjadt 03’)

Defense/Special Teams

Bears 85’
11 games under 10 pts allowed w/ 2 shutouts, 54 TO’s, 65 sacks and 7TD’s!

Raven’s 00’
11 games under 10 pts allowed w/ 4 shutouts, 49 TO’s, 35 sacks and 3TD’s.

(H.M. 91’ Redskins, 91’ Eagles)

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Monday, October 5, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled, NFL

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Fatpickled FFL: Meet The Players

Tomorrow night at 8:30 is the draft time for the first annual Fatpickled Fantasy Football league brought to you by the Cooley Zone. We have 12 owners in the league from all around the world…so this is our little introductions to each other and the readers of the blog. I will do a post a week showing the standings, results,..etc. The winner gets a cool trophy and a signed Cooley jersey. Here’s the fantasy team/fantasy owners…and as always, ladies first:

Romo’s New Jessica/Rebecca Ramey

Don’t take this little 99lb hottie too lightly…she’s the ruler and queen of my household. Her most notable athletic accomplishment is the fact she’s able to do the splits…I don’t believe I’ve taken advantage of that enough over the years (I personally believe twirling baton with Mark Moseley’s daughter trumps the splits.) Her favorite hobby is shopping and she’s interested in having more $$ to do so. Her favorite sports moment was our very own commissioner Kenny Mayne’s Dance Center…favorite athlete is Barbaro. She loves Johnny Depp and Fatpickle’s Mexican cuisine. If Tony Romo actually tried to make a move on her I’d bitch slap both his hat and his crooked smile on straight. She won’t be reading this cuz she doesn’t follow my blog. Welcome Honey, cake or?

TheTightestEnd/Heather Frank

H-Town’s fantasy team will get plenty of support from their owner; she’s a former cheerleader who earned 6 letters in high school. She’s also a 3-time letter winner in softball. She wins the award for having the most famous relative as she had an aunt who was in Happy Days (very cool) and an uncle who was in the movie 10 (did he get to make out with Bo Derek?) Her hobbies include playing and watching sports, writing/blogging, sewing, singing and traveling. Her favorite foods are fish tacos and any Mexican food from the west coast. Favorite movie is Almost Famous and she’s too young to pick an all-time favorite athlete, which makes me feel…old. She comes up with incredible team names and has finished in the top 5 of her fantasy leagues every year she’s played, which is one time so far. She may be the shortest person in the league and may look like “the girl next door,” but watch out for this one. Welcome May Bay.

KingofVols/Jason King

The “King” was a 5-sport letterman in high school and earned a golf scholarship. His favorite sports moment was the 91’ Skins Super Bowl victory and his favorite players are Chris Cooley and Art Monk. The beautiful thing about the Internet is that no matter where you are in the world you can play fantasy football and google Megan Fox pictures. You see, the King is busy overseas defending our country as a member of the United States Air Force…but he’s going to use his free time kicking ass and taking names in the FFFL. Welcome King, and thank you for your service to our country.

Fanfuckingtastic/Mathew Berkholtz

Whatchooo gonna do when the “Juggernaut’s” fantasy team runs wild on you? He’s a former rugby player and linebacker who wanted to be an archeologist like Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones. His favorite sports moment was when a 65-year-old grandmother in a Ron Jaworski jersey verbally assaulted him at FedEx field, cementing his hate of all things “Filthadelphia.” His favorite athlete of all time is John Riggins. In his spare times he enjoys camping/kayaking, drinking beer, eating crabs and watching the Redskins break his heart…sounds a lot like me. He vacations in Wisconsin every year…WTF? He enjoys reading Fatpickled on the shitter at work; this is my exact target audience! Welcome Matty B.

Skins N’ Beer/Eric Pearson

The “Arcola Assassin” is a 3-time basketball letter winner and former captain of the Mary Washington basketball team. He also won the International Shootout competition for the best shooter in the country as a 14 year old. He enjoys watching Matthew McConaughey act in movies without his shirt. He also enjoys Mr. Kenny Powers himself…Danny McBride. He is the younger, wiser and better-looking cousin of Fatpickle (I’ll give you younger…maybe even wiser, better looking?) He enjoys boxing, screenwriting, eating crabs and BBQ. Favorite athletes Ervin “Magic” Johnson and Barret Robbins…haha. Favorite sports moment was the Syracuse/Uconn 7 overtime game he watched from start to finish. He’s the uncle of future Skins D-tackle Christopher McCullers and the reining champion of his fantasy football and basketball leagues. Welcome self proclaimed, “fantasy genius,” Peer Pressure Pearson.

Muffin Head/Michael Morgan

Big Mike lives up to his nickname, as his height and weight are a Cal Ripkenesque 6’4” 225lbs. He lettered in baseball and football in H.S. before earning his degree at Texas A&M. He comes from a proud family of Swedes and Norwegians. His favorite athlete of all-time is Riggo and Super Bowl 17 is his favorite sports moment. Hobbies include golfing and poker…favorite foods are steak and seafood. He’s one of many guys in this league who enjoy Harrison Ford. He’s a 1st time fantasy football player; you got to watch out for those rookies! Welcome Ripple!

Nijas will ow!/Jason Anton

JT was a surfer in H.S. and is now working on enhancing his “Shaq size.” His favorite food is anything from McDonalds that is deep-fried…meaning he takes all McDonalds food and then deep fat fries it. He’s a computer programmer, musician and contributor to this blog. His favorite sports moment is Darrell Green catching Tony Dorsett. His grandfather was a prominent politician type in several different roles during the Kennedy, Johnson and Nixon administrations. His favorite movie is Fight Club and his favorite actor is Brando. He kicks ass in his office pick-em pools; lets see how he fares in the FFFL. Hopefully he’ll make it thru the season, he brings a whole new meaning to “super size me.” Welcome RevJT.

Stuart Pit-Bulls/ Vigrant Kulnarong

V is a former high school football player and is a Red Sox fan…I’m not gonna hold that against him since he’s also a Skins fan. His favorite sports moment was when the Sox erased a 0-3 deficit in the 2004 AL Championship series against the Yankees. He’s a classic movie buff whose favorite actors include Humphrey Bogart and Cary Grant. V helps run his father’s family business that distributes foods and goods to many restaurants in the DC/Metro area…so you can thank him for all the great Thai food you get to enjoy. V himself enjoys any restaurant that serves good dessert. His favorite athletes of all time are Ivan Lendl and Wayne Gretzky. V is half Thai and half Filipino and all about winning the FFFL. Welcome V.

Orakpo’s Bandwagon/Liam Moy

Liam has never had a nickname that stuck, so it’s our job to come up with one for him. He lettered in golf and once shot a 79 at the UofMD course. He and his wonderful wife Shari have a 22-month-old son and another baby on the way. Favorite movies include Ghostbusters, Godfather’s I/II and Fight Club. He has an aunt who worked for Premiere magazine writing entertainment stories. His uncle ran the Mass. pension fund that scored him really good Red Sox ticket, which should make V. jealous. His favorite athlete is Cal Ripken and his favorite sports moments were 2131 and the 2nd quarter of the Skins/Broncos Superbowl. He just started his MBA program (congrats,) so he has no hobbies. He has performed well in Fantasy baseball leagues…let’s see what he’s got for us in the FFFL. Welcome Liam.

New Kent Zornicators/Brian Davis

Brian was a 3-sport letterman in high school…baseball (2yrs), basketball (4yrs) and tennis (4yrs.) He also played tennis in college at Longwood University (do you listen to a lot of Pat McGee?) His favorite athlete of all-time is Cal Ripken. Brian had a cousin who played cornerback at Va Tech who set the school record with 3 Int’s vs. Florida St. He comes from a tight knit family of farmers (corn, wheat & soybeans.) He enjoys fishing, playing rec. sports with family, steak and attending Redskin games. Brian has extensive experience in all fantasy sports including football and nascar. Another one to watch out for here. Welcome Brian.

The Staches/David Stone

Stoner was an all-region selection in both soccer and volleyball in high school. His favorite actor is Johnny Depp and his favorite movies are Braveheart and Rudy. He had an ancestor who used to change the shitter for the King of England. His favorite all-time athlete is Mario Lemieux and he misses watching Sean Taylor crush people…I do too. His hobbies include playing and watching all sports as well as trying to smoke the worlds best brisket…ironically BBQ is his favorite food. A serious contender for the signed Cooley jersey, he won back 2 back fantasy football titles in 06-07’. Welcome Stoner.

15 Swinging Dicks/Doug Ramey

Fatpickle was a 4-time baseball letterman in high school and was an all-district and honorable mention All-Met his senior year. He played baseball at Shenandoah University where his career was derailed by alcohol. Favorite movie is the Shawshank Redemption and favorite actor is Ed Norton. Biggest athletic accomplishment was hitting a double off Cal Ripken, it only cost 8 grand. Favorite all time athlete of course is Ripken, favorite moments are 2131, Riggo’s run and the Terps basketball championship a few years ago.Famous relatives include Elvis, George Clooney and Jenna Jameson…you should see the family reunion! Fatpickle enjoys fishing, blogging, drinking beer, blue crabs, The Palm and PF Changs. Fatpickle has won Fantasy Football leagues before but list his finest fantasy accomplishment as being the MVP of the 2003 Jennifer Anniston Fantasy Camp. Welcome Fatpickle. Did I just talk about myself in the 3rd person?

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled, NFL

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Fantasy Football League

Last week on Twitter (follow me there) I announced plans for the 1st annual Fatpickled Fantasy Football League. The response was great…just a couple spots remain. If you’re interested in possibly playing, email me (the link to my email address is located here on the site,) or contact me via Twitter. Here are some of the details of the league:

Our Honorary Commisioner is no other than Mr. Kenny Mayne. His duties and resposibilities = none, but he asked for the title and I’m giving it to him.

The league is sponsered by The Cooley Zone.
It cost nothing to play.

The league will be set up thru Yahoo Sports, 10 teams, 2 leagues and it’s head to head competition.

We will have a live on line draft later this month.

I’m still working on the prizes, but I’m pleased to announce that the winner will receive a signed Chris Cooley jersey and a cool trophy.

More details coming soon, as I said just a few spots remain!!

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Thursday, August 6, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled, NFL


Football Makes Everything Better

This post originally appeared at The Cooley Zone

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…well, maybe not for the 2,500 NFL players that are reporting to training camp this week. For the next 3 weeks they’re going to be sweating their sacks off in two a day practices. Knocking the shit out of each other, sitting in endless meetings and soaking achy muscles in ice tubs. How do they do that anyway? Just the thought of lowering my boys into ice…not worried about shrinkage…worried about disappearance! Anyway, I’m happier than a puppy with 2 peters because the beginning of training camp means that the 2009 NFL season is upon us and football just makes everything better! Yes, it actually improves quality of life. Sound silly? It’s not; I’ll prove it to you.

10 things football makes better.

#10 – Food – I’m trying to figure out how to lose 10 lbs before the start of the season because I know I’m going to put on 15 during the season! Wings, chips, pizza and dips all taste better during football season. I think Velveeta was invented specifically for the NFL season. It gives us all a reason to eat bad foods because that’s what you do during football games. It just is.

#9 – Sports Blogs – Let’s face it, without football, blogs kind of suck. How much baseball can we talk about? How many top 10 lists can we make up? Bloggers need coaches like Dennis Green and Jim Mora going berserk, that’s good material. Bloggers need bad play calling and underachieving draft picks. And let’s face it; you want to come here to see Cooley talking about the Cowboys, not Fatpickle talking about cheese.

#8 – Sundays – Sunday, the day for rest and relaxation. NOT! There should be nothing relaxing about Sunday. Sundays are for getting nervous, excited and pissed at the Redskins…sometimes all at the same time! So forget about reading the Sunday paper in the lazy boy and watching Tom Watson play golf. It’s so much more fun figuring out how you’re going to pay your bookie because Eli Manning threw a pick 6 in the last minute. It was a sure thing the Giants were going to beat the Bengals.

#7 – Sports Talk Radio- Similar to the bloggers, the radio personalities need some material. How long can they talk about the Orioles and Nats losing? What they need is someone to shoot themselves in the leg, they need an owner having dinner with Shanahan, they can run with that. They need the guy calling in who just lost $500 on the Eli Manning play, that’s good radio.

#6 – Beer – Beer is better during the NFL season …oh who am I kidding? Beer is good all year long; the NFL season does nothing to make it better. But, when the Redskins lose, beer helps…temporarily.

#5 – Tailgating- Unless you’ve been to a Kenny Chesney or Jimmy Buffet concert this summer, you probably haven’t tailgated in awhile. Football gives us a reason to do so. Football gives us a reason for more food, Jell-O shooters, tossing the football around and cornhole. Good times with family, friends and strangers. And if you are tailgating, it sounds like Mama Cooley has the right game plan to follow.

#4 – Personal Relationships – From February to July I talk once or twice a month with some of the people that mean the most to me, but come football season, we may talk once or twice a day. We are always emailing, texting or phoning each other to talk about the games and events of the week. Football brings us closer for 6 months a year and I’m thankful for that.

#3- TV Viewing – summertime is the worst for TV, but that will end soon. We now have the NFL channel, the Sunday Ticket and TIVO working for us. We can watch an entire replay of the game in 60 minutes, anytime we want! No more reruns of the New Adventures Of Old Christine, we got choices!

#2 – Hope and Optimism – There is nothing I want to see more than a parade in Washington D.C for the Super Bowl Champion Washington Redskins. As the season starts I feel like that can happen. I see Cooley on the left and Portis on the right, Obama in the middle. I see it. I’m happy. When I finish this post I’m checking flights to Miami. I’m drinking the Kool Aid; I’ve got my Nikes on.

#1 – Fantasy Football – Is there anything better than Fantasy Football? Most of you are probably working on your cheat sheets and sleeper picks already. The drafts (more fun, food and booze) are so much fun. In late August I will travel back to VA for my league’s 12th annual fantasy draft. 12 years ago we were single college aged guys with no wives or kids. We return this year, most of us married, and we now have 12 kids among us. We’re still kids, just with more chins. We come from Florida, we come from Ohio, it doesn’t matter…football keeps us together. And I (the 22 Swinging Dicks) am going to kick some ass this year.

Now after all that, I have 1 question for you…ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled, NFL

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