This post originally appeared at The Cooley Zone

Thanks to everyone who participated in the “Sheriff Cooley” contest, it was an awesome response and there were a lot of great ideas. One of the coolest things about blogging is the interaction and thoughts that are spurred from each post. For instance, we have learned that taking a picture of your private parts results in about a million hits and late night talk show monolgues. Talking derogatory about a rival hockey player results in the steel city breaking bad on you personally, and some of the worst photoshopping I’ve ever seen. (Some dude actually looked up gay porn for the one picture, how’d he even know where to find it?)

That being said, the “sheriff” posts didn’t cause that kind of riot. It did however cause some serious movement on the IMDB Starmeters for those involved. The Starmeter ranks every actor listed on IMDB, based upon the searches for them on the site. Here is the effect that you guys had on the participants of the post in the week that the post came out.

Alex Karras moved from # 7,597(I was surprised he was that high) to #3,203

Chris Cooley moved from #246,368 to #165,712 (surging past Flo, the waitress from Dumb and Dumber)

Tanner Cooley moved from #1,015,929 to #358,918 (surging past Art Monk, who could forget his role in Jerry Maguire, “nice game Rod”)

I think we are better than this, so I’m challenging you to go to work on IMDB, searching Alex, Chris, and Tanner and moving them up the Hollywood ladder. Here are the goals I’ve set for us to reach in the next week (help us baby jesus, help us Tom Cruise, help us Maxim.com!)

Alex #1899 - 1 spot above Eugene Levy

Chris #29,967 - 1 spot above Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake

Tanner # 69,569 - 1 spot above legenday Sportscaster George Michael (who could forget him in Silence of the Lambs, I sure haven’t and I remind him whenever I see him.)

Here are the winners from the contest. You can claim your prize by venturing over to my site http://www.fatpickled.com/, bookmark it to your favorites, then email me.

1st place - And winner of a signed 8×10 of Fatpickle is…Randow who came up with the combination of Pat (from It’s Pat) and Gridiron.

2nd place - And winner of a signed 8×10 of Vladimir is…Xstatic4beer who not only has an awesome handle, but also gave us Uncle Buck and Big Wig.

3rd place - And the winner of a signed 8×10 of the man currently over 150,000spots behind Paula Deen on the Starmeter(in his defense she can do things with a green bean that is heaven) is…Tony Corsini who brought us Spicoli and The Helmet Knocker.

Congrats to all, there was some really good ones and it was a difficult choice.

I’ll be back sometime next week to I reveal how we did in the IMDB challenge, and to talk about Redskins fans just like you and I (well kind of.)

Update!! Chris moved up to 33,803, Tanner moved up to 52,307

Cheers and Hail

(This post originally appeared at The Cooley Zone)

I’d recognize that tallywhacker anywhere, it’s Cooley poking thru again!

When I first heard that Chris was up for the part of the Sheriff in Ghosts Don’t Exist, my immediate thought was of Alex Karras in Porky’s. Karras was an ex-NFL player who parlayed his NFL career into a 20+ years of acting, a Monday Night Football gig, plus a few years as a professional wrestler. He played the role of the crooked Sheriff in Porky’s (the original American Pie.)

So while Chris may not think he’s great in front of the camera and may not have big aspirations for his one line in a movie, I would remind him that Karras got his start by grunting a line or two in Blazing Saddles. “Mongo straight, Mongo like candy.” In fact, if they ever remake Blazing Saddles, Chris should read for Mongo, he’d be awesome. And if that role led to a remake of Webster with CC in the dad’s role, well then that would be priceless.

Fatpickle’s note: Please welcome E4three32 as a regular contributor to Fatpickled. E is an aspiring screen writer (his first script is badass!) and CPA. He played college basketball (an astounding accomplishment coming from my family loins,) and brings his special brand of wit and humor to us. Welcome aboard E!

I’ve never been a big fan of letting a pro athlete KNOW that I KNOW who they are by actually telling them I KNOW who they are. Unless I’m attending an autograph signing or preseason camp I have no business trying to take a picture with them or reminiscing with them about a touchdown catch or “nuts in your face” dunk they had on SportsCenter’s Top 10 List.

That is why when I saw Gilbert Arenas at Chuckie Cheese I didn’t try to join him in a game of Wack-a-Mole or combine tickets to get the biggest prize (by the way when your Gilbert Arenas you don’t waste time trying to win tickets, you just pay absurd amounts of money to get what you want.) However, as he walked by me playing a basketball arcade game I did yell out “Hibachi” as I hit my shots on a game built for three-year olds. Now I don’t know if he looked back and laughed at me or if he was actually looking right through me and laughing at someone else, but I did feel as though he appreciated me not starting an autograph frenzy by yelling out “Agent Zero” at the top of my lungs while doing back-flips begging him to autograph my chest. That is why I have come up with this list of things not to do when seeing a professional athlete in public for all of you douches out there who act like the kid who Punk’d Dirk Nowitzki on a daily basis:

If they are eating, LEAVE them alone - there’s no doubt Dwight Howard wanted to pimp slap all of these people…except the one Asian girl across from them whom he wanted to lay the Superman pipe to

If you do try to take a picture with them, make sure you know who they are – I once watched a kid take a picture with Chris Samuels only to turn around and say thanks LaVar…come on you can’t mistake #60

Don’t ask them if they want to hangout later on at night just because they accept a drink from you at a bar – every athlete knows what happened in “Celtic Pride”

Don’t ever tell them they have a hot girlfriend/wife and then ask her name – “Hey man she’s hot, what’s her name so I can spank it to her later”

Unless the appearance is for autographs and pictures, don’t even try

If an athlete makes fun on you, don’t brag about it to other people like your cool – true story, an athlete once told me I had small equipment…I told other people to explain to them that it was a black man and obviously to him I seemed smaller but in a lacrosse locker room I’d be worshipped…but I didn’t tell them because it was the Phillies first baseman

No high-fives, hugs, or chest-bumps – a handshake could be acceptable

Don’t tell them about how you tattooed their number on your asscheek one night you got hammered

Don’t strike up a conversation in the bathroom

Don’t ever be the creepy guy in the background of a picture – you look happy, but they sure as hell don’t

And above all, if you are lucky enough to get a picture with a professional athlete, never put that picture up as your profile picture on Facebook or Myspace – everyone that knows you, knows you are not friends with them and chances are YOU NEVER WILL BE

Please read this list over and try not to act like a love-struck thirteen year old next time you see a professional athlete out.

Oh yeah, and hot girls…please disregard this list and remember everything here is even more acceptable when done topless!

Until NextTime,
E4three32

You see, starting next season the Pro Bowl will be held the week before the Super Bowl. Moving forward, the participants in the Super Bowl will not be allowed to play in the Pro Bowl. So, while I’m sure CC will be elected to the next 6 or 7 Pro Bowls, my hope is that he will be busy preparing for the Super Bowl, thus making him unavailable to play in the actual game.

And from Chris and Christy’s point of view, how much will they miss the Pro Bowl? I’m guessing little, at best. The Pro Bowl is also moving from Hawaii to the Super Bowl host city. So while the words

“Christy, pack your bags we’re headed to the big island,” sounds like an awesome time…

“Christy, pack your bags we’re headed to Indianapolis,” just doesn’t have the same ring.

The decision to move the Pro Bowl only makes $ense to the NFL. Get the players and fans into the NFL host city ASAP to start spending money. Never mind that the 2 teams in the Super Bowl usually have the most Pro Bowlers (Arizona and Pittsburgh have 7 starters in this years Pro Bowl.)

The truth of the matter is this, little to zero NFL fans watch, nor care about the Pro Bowl. It’s an exhibition game equivalent to pre-season. So until the NFL can find a way to make the game significant in some fashion (any ideas?) keep it in Hawaii.

I’m sure the players enjoy the time they spend in Hawaii, and it’s a nice vacation for them and their wives. The Pro Bowl has been in Hawaii for over 30 years, why change it now? Let the players heal their bodies after the season, then “hang loose” for a week with their families and friends. They certainly deserve it.

Cheers and Hail