Posts Tagged ‘snyder’

Redskins: A Booty Call No More


Siskel & Ebert gave Booty Call 2 Thumbs up?

It was what every NFL agent and every NFL player anxiously awaited, the middle of the night phone call from Ashburn, VA asking…do you want to come over? The agent and player might put up a soft fight for a little bit, “I don’t know it’s late, you know I’m sorta seeing the Giants right now.” But, they would be won over by the private plane rides and the wining, dining and …the money!

But, all is quiet at Ashburn this year and Redskins fans don’t quite know what to think. We, as fans, have been trained to expect the big name free agents to come to Redskins Park to not only visit, but to sign lucrative contracts that we can both praise and bitch about. This is the way things work, right? Not this year. Redskins One sits quietly at Dulles Airport and the pilots have had some unexpected time off. Agents are checking the batteries of their cell phones to make sure they are working properly, the free-agent tracker has nothing to track and Morton’s business is way off compared to last year.

The booty calls have been reversed and now it’s the agents calling and begging if their clients can come over. It’s the Redskins saying “you can, but I’ll tell you right now nothings going to happen.” The Morton’s steaks have been replaced with an intern placing an order at Chick Fil A. The private jet has been replaced by train and bus tickets. Terl’s dropping Randle El off at Union Station, he can pick up Willie Parker at the same time.

Ok, I am embellishing the story a little bit. Of course the Redskins brass is still going to dine at Morton’s or The Palm. But, by not making major changes so far in free agency, it proves that things have indeed majorly changed. It’s a new day at Redskins Park…so far that has meant addition by subtraction. And so far, I’m happy with that. The only possible free agent I personally liked was Darren Sproles, who never made it to free agency (I think the Redskins may have made a move on him had he become available.) I can’t shed any tears over the cuts the Redskins made, although I appreciate the time the players spent in burgundy and gold (except for Randle El.)

The Redskins still have major holes to fill and I expect they have a master plan on how to do that. It’s obviously a slow developing plan and not an immediate results plan, which tells me that Dan Snyder is not calling these shots. Again, addition by subtraction. But, I did hear that Dan called Vinny the other night in the wee hours of the night, just for old time sake…”you wanna come over?”

Cheers and Hail

Editors Note: While writing this post I realized I am so old that when I was a college aged kid making booty calls there were no cell phones, internet, email, texting or Skype. I had to do the 1 ring and hang up phone call technique, hoping that some chick would hear it and call me back. The moral of the story? Women should rejoice that I never had such forms of mass communication in my heyday, I would have been a drunken pain in the ass.

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Categories: Redskins

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24 Hours At The Danny’s

Comedian and blog friend Danny Rouhier contributed to this post. Check him out at funnydanny.com


picture via Hogs Haven

There is one sure fire way to know if Jerry Gray officially interviewed to be the head coach of the Redskins…did he spend the night at Dan Snyder’s mansion? Seriously, WTF is up with the sleepover interviews at the Danny’s? What other job in the world do you not only wear a suit to the interview but you also bring your pajamas? I’m not making this up…it’s well documented.

So this has to make one wonder…what goes on in that 24 hour period at Danny’s house? Luckily, I was a fly on the wall during the Shanahan interview and I’m here to report my findings. Here’s a timeline breakdown of what went down.

5pm-6pm The Interview

What interview? Shanahan was hired months ago. So…Dan, Shanny and the man Shanny HIRED…Bruce Allen, spend this time playing the hand slap game, paper/rock/scissors and Call of Duty.

6pm-7pm Dinner

The boys have worked up quite the hunger from all the games so Dan and Shanny dispatch Bruce to get some Johnnie Rockets burgers.

7pm-9pm Film Breakdown

It’s time to start evaluating talent, so Bruce, Dan and Shanny sit down to watch highlights of last years Golden Globes and Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year. Bruce and Shanny butt heads over the use of Ryan Seacrest, Bruce wants more while Shanny wants less. Dan tells Bruce that Shanny has final say…Seacrest OUT!

10pm-11pm Special Guests

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stop by for a visit. Bruce was a big fan of Dawson’s Creek, so Katie entertains him by acting out old scenes. Tom, Dan and Shanny retreat to the basement for some clay table processing. Kenny Loggins stops by just to sing “Highway to the Danger Zone” for effect.

12am-1am Racquetball

Needing a 4th for a mini round robin tournament, Dan calls “consultant” Vinny Cerrato over to play. So…Vinny walks over to the main house from his apartment over Dan’s garage. Before match play begins Vinny dispenses the one and only piece of valuable “consulting” information he has learned in 10 years on the job…let the boss win.

1am-2am Massage

After calling several classified adds in the City Paper Bruce finds a couple of nice medical students (a blonde and an Italian) to come over and give Dan and Shanny well deserved massages. Bruce advises them to ask for the full service.

2am-4am Bonding

Bruce and Vinny have retreated to the garage apartment and it’s time for the new BFF’s to bond. Shanny originally wanted to go to bed but Dan reminded him that Gibbs worked till 4am. Shanny was pissed so he tea-bagged Danny’s drum set…but the spat was over quickly and the 2 bonded by playing truth or dare, ran a sack race and built a pillow fort. Dan also helped Shanny set up his FaceBook profile. Another spat ended the night when Dan overruled Shanahan again…Dan always gets the top bunk.

4am-8am Sleep/Brainwashing

Shanahan tossed and turned with a case of the Johnny Rockets farts. Dan spent this time brainwashing Shanny into never reading page 14 of his contract (aka the Lavar page,) and always falling in love with every “sexy” pick the Danny likes. He also convinced Shanahan to think he has “total control” even though he never really will.

8am-9am Golf Cart Ride

Bright and early Dan took Shanny on a golf cart ride around the estate. Shanny tried to explain football terminology to Dan but spent 30 minutes going over “trips” and “traps.” Dan drove down to the river to say hello to Bruce and Vinny who were busy cutting down nuisance trees.

9am-11am Cartoons!

Another fight …over the remote control this time. Danny likes old school “Tom & Jerry” and “Thundercats,” while Shanny is more of a “Phineas and Ferb” guy.

11am-12pm Extreme Makeover

Dan’s stylist comes in to hook Shanny up for his big press conference. This process involves only one thing…which of these 1,000 burgundy and gold ties would you like to wear Mr. Shanahan?

12pm-2pm The New Digs

Helicopter ride over to Ashburn where Shanny settles into his new office. The office looks more like a prison wall from where Zorn has been counting down the days using hash marks. Jerry Gray had been “squatting” in the office for several days. While being removed he was heard muttering “they said they would get back to me.”

2pm Ladies & Gentlemen…You’re New Coach

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Categories: Redskins

Tags: , , ,

Lazy JC: How I Really Hate Em

Anyone who’s know me for the past 32 years, would know, this week especially, that the title of this post would be directed at the Dallas Cowboys. I’ve hated them as far back as I can remember. Hated Danny White. Hated Randy White. Hated Ed “too tall” Jones, hated Tony Dorsett. Hated Tom Landry, even though I thought he was a class act, but he was a Cowboy. I even hated the Minnesota Vikings for several years, for making that awful Herschel Walker trade, which paved the way for the Cowboys to become good again. You know I hated Troy Aikman, Emmit Smith and Michael Irvin. Recently it’s been easy to hate the Cowboys, they employed very hate-able clowns like T.O. and Pacman Jones. I met Tony Romo at Tiger Woods’ event in Washington D.C. this past summer, and wanted to hate him, but he seemed like a nice guy. Then I saw that he could out drive me, and had a lower handicap, so can I hate him, again.

The problem with this week is, for the first time I can remember, I’m not sure if I want my Washington Redskins to blow the Cowboys off the field. In fact, there’s a part of me that wants the opposite to happen. I’m as confused as I’m sure you are reading this.

Photo via D.C. Sports Bog

Let me explain. I’ve been a Redskins fan my entire life and, as most fans this year, am absolutely sick about the state of the team. I’ve tried to find the silver lining in the moves the team made the past few years, hiring the owner’s racquetball partner as head of football operations, hiring an offensive coordinator before hiring a head coach, then, once they realized that no established coaches wants to come anywhere near this train wreck, hire said offensive coordinator to be the head coach, even though he’d never even been as much as a coordinator before. I’ve watched as they draft three receivers in the second round, while the offensive and defensive lines go neglected. Watched them throw huge signing bonuses at flash-in-the-pan players, while trading hard to come by commodities (like a shutdown cornerback), for easily obtained talent (productive running back). This year, I’ve watched the circus continue, as the racquetball partner proclaimed to everyone that the team had playoff talent, as they signed guys off the couch to bolster their terrible offensive line. Still, I tried to find the good in it all, the racquetball partner resigned. The son of one of the most recognizable and respected Redskin coaches was hired to run the team. They got a decent punter, for once. The kid they drafted in the first round has provided some badly needed pressure on the opposing quarterbacks, and the guy they threw $100 million at has helped him, during the 60% of defensive snaps that he plays. I thought that, perhaps, playing for a contract would bring out the best in the misused, damaged-goods quarterback who spent half of last season (and most of this season) pulling turf out of his helmet. At times, it has happened.

But, they started 2-6 against, arguably, the easiest schedule in football. The offensive coordinator-turned head coach was stripped of his play calling duties in favor of a guy who’d been volunteering at the bingo parlor. All a Redskins fan could do was endure the inevitable beatings that were sure to come, and wait longingly for that top pick in the draft next April.

Then the bastards knock Kyle Orton out of the game, make a few plays offensively, and beat the Denver Broncos, who’d started the season 6-0. They outplayed Dallas, Philly, and New Orleans for large stretches, before blowing all three games late. They go into Oakland and blow them out. Now, with a remade line paving the way for explosive runners Rock Cartwright, Quinton Ganther and Marcus Mason (huh?), the crappy, ’09 Redskins, at times, have looked like the ’83 Hogs. For a few games, at least. Still, last week’s performance against the Giants, at home, on Monday night, leaves D.C. anxiously, but cautiously, waiting for the showdown with the Cowboys this Sunday. While I’m sure the Giants game reminded most fans that this is still a bad team with many fundamental problems, and everyone realizes that Dallas is a better team, the small glimpses of hope the Redskins gave their fans the four weeks before Monday night has a few hoping that, maybe, they can pull this one off. After all, it’s Redskins-Cowboys. Throw the records out the window. Anything can happen, right?

Here’s were we get to my confusion. I know that my football team is a bad football team. I know that there’s going to have to be major changes made in the offseason for the organization to turn things around. I also have little faith in the people who are going to have to make those changes. Bruce Allen comes from a legendary football family, and actually has a nice football resume’, but he still has to work for Dan Snyder. I do know one thing, that losing to the Cowboys makes the owner of the Redskins very mad. I’m sure that, witnessing a big Cowboys win, in his own stadium, a week after another division rival embarrassed his team at home, will enrage him, to the point that may ensure that those changes get made. To the point where he actually allows the football man he’s hired to run the team, to run the team. I’ve never wanted the Redskins to lose a game, but can you see the bind I’m in? What to hope for? Instant gratification (I have a wing party at Hooters riding on this game!)? But, would a win give the clown calling the shots false hope for this team? Would he continue to think that they’re only a few pieces away from a real contender? Or do I hope for the greater good, a rousing defeat at that hands of the hated rivals, and decisive change that may renew this once great franchise?

I know that, as a sports fan, I’ve never felt this way about any team I’ve ever supported.

How I really hate ‘em.

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Posted by lazyjc22    Date: Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Categories: Redskins

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Dumb And Dumber

The hiring of Jim Zorn

Dan and Vinny were like a “monkey f’ing a football” during the entire process of hiring a head coach after Gibbs left. What should have been a swift and efficient process turned into a month long soap opera that ended in a…WTF? Here’s a look back at the decisions that brought Jim Zorn to the Redskins.

Ignoring Gibbs

After Gibbs decided to retire after the season, it was said that he (as well as many players) endorsed Gregg Williams for the head coaching position in a meeting with Dan. Of course Dan let that endorsement from the most influential figure in Redskins history go in 1 ear and out the other. But why would Dan listen to the old man? Well, one good reason would be that Dan was still paying Gibbs his 6 million a year as a “consultant.” Another great reason was the fact that Gibbs just led the Skins to the playoffs 2 out of the last 3 seasons…and knew the team better than anyone. Or maybe because Gibbs won 3 Super Bowls and has forgotten more about football than Dan will ever know. Of course Dan strung Williams along for 10 days or so before not only not hiring him, but giving him his walking papers as the D coordinator as well (although Williams would have never stayed, Dan still has to maintain the power.) Dan was wrong not to hire Gregg Williams as the head coach. Not because he was the right man for the job (I’m not sure that he was and not sure he would have been successful either,) but by not listening to a great football mind like Gibbs…something Dan refuses to do. FAIL #1

Promoting Vinny

The next step to finding a head coach was to take a moment and…promote Vinny to Executive VP/Football Operations. The Redskin’s official press release announced that Vinny “will assume responsibility for all aspects of the team’s football organization – including personnel, the team roster, scouting and salary cap management.” This is a great way to lure the “cream of the crop” of head coaches…let them know they’ve got to report to Vinny and defer to him on all personnel decisions. Now that’s got to sound attractive to a Cowher-type doesn’t it. FAIL#2

Meet your staff Coach

Next came the revealing of the “mystery candidate,” Jim Fassell. This would end up being the 2nd time that Dan left Fassell at the altar. Dan and Vinny strung him along while they were supposedly trying to assemble his coaching staff, which would feature Rex Ryan as D coordinator and Jim Zorn as the O coordinator. Ryan never had an interest in joining the Redskins in this capacity, but Zorn was hired as the O coordinator, based upon the fact that Dan and Vinny were “blown away” by his interview. Dan and Vinny then inked up Greg Blache as the D coordinator and now basically have an entire staff for their still unknown head coach. Just a quick recap, the incoming head coach now basically has his entire coaching staff already decided, and must defer all football decisions to Vinny. FAIL#3

Suit it up, Jim

Zorn was not a “hot commodity” for O coordinator positions around the NFL; he had never advanced past QB coach at any level in the NFL. He wasn’t the “young, sexy pick” to be a head coach in the NFL…that would have been Josh McDaniels, whom I believe the Skins never interviewed. Zorn was 54 years old and basically was only know for his “quirky” training methods. He had never called plays; he had never devised a game plan. He was never in charge of more than 3 players. But Dan and Vinny were blown away. And as the candidates began to dwindle…the job was now the equivalent of going out on a first date with a girl who’s 6 months pregnant…Dan and Vinny invited Zorn to interview for the head job. “Suit it up, Jim.” FAIL#4

The rest is now history. Zorn was named HC, OC and QB coach. Severely over his head…and he hasn’t been able to get his head back above water. I’m afraid that he’s close to no longer being able to tread water…and that’s where the Skins are at this point.

Next post will focus on personnel decisions.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Categories: Redskins

Tags: , , ,

Happy Anniversary To The Danny


10 years ago this month we met the new owner of the Washington Redskins. He was 34 years old, wearing a Redskin’s belt buckle and a burgundy and gold tie. He was also wearing a smile that no one could wipe away.

What a difference 10 years makes! Some highlights from the interview.

* Obviously he loves the Redskins. Skins belt buckle, burgundy and gold tie, and the reason for buying the Skins, “I love the Redskins.”

* 10 years ago Dan Rooney and the other old school owners thought Dan was awesome and gave him a standing ovation when his approval was announced. Now…not so much.

* Mr. Snyder is a “team player.”

* #1 priority day 1, “to get the Redskins back where they belong.” I’m assuming this meant the Super Bowl, not 8-8.

* Was afraid he was going to wake up any minute and find out he’s not the owner of the Skins. I’ve spent the past 10 years hoping I was going to wake up and find out he’s not the owner of the Skins!

* “We are not going to sit around idle, we are action takers.” Who is the we? Does he have a mouse in his pocket? Or maybe he has a mini-me? Or maybe he’s the mini me?

* The rumors of finding “sexy” names to become members of the Redskins organization started from day 1…Don Shula?

I hope to see Dan being interviewed soon with a Super Bowl Champion hat on and a smile from ear to ear. Happy Anniversary!

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled, Redskins

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Skins Going For The Hat Trick?


When the Redskins drafted Jason Campbell in the 1st round of the 2005 draft, they became the first team in the history of the NFL to draft 2 QB’s in the first round within 4 years of each other. Now all signs are pointing to a 3rd 1st rounder spent on a QB within 8 years. I don’t have the power to research such information, but I’m going to assume no NFL team has ever done this, or even come close.

When you draft a Quarterback in the 1st round, you are making the assumption that this is your “franchise quarterback.” The guy that you’re going to hitch your wagon to for the next 10-12 years. It appears as though Dan and Vinny are giving up on Jason Campbell. That in itself is a bad decision. He has only improved every season even though he’s had a different system each year. How good can he be this year, actually having a year of experience under his belt? Playing QB in the nations capital is one of the toughest jobs in sports and the fans are the toughest critics. Yet, 81% of the fans don’t want Sanchez. Are the people making the decisions at Redskins Park really this blind to the fact that we have gaping holes at other positions. Gaping holes brought on by the fact that the Skins have not drafted a defensive end within the first 5 rounds of the draft during Snyder’s tenure? Gaping holes brought on by the fact that they’ve drafted only 2 offensive lineman in the first 5 rounds of the draft during the same time? Our 1st and 4th rounders for Jason Peters would have been a great move…but why would you want to take care of your weakest position with a Pro Bowl player who is one of the best in the NFL. I mean, it’s Jason Peters, he’s not “sexy.”

After taking all the shit the front office piled on him, JC has finally spoken out, declaring he wants to be traded if the Skins draft Sanchez. My fear is the Skins have tipped their hand too much and the value they would receive for Campbell would be too little (remember giving away Patrick Ramsey for a 6th rounder, 2 years after using a 1st on him?) And if they draft Sanchez and trade Campbell, who’s your starting QB for the 2009 season? My other fear is the Skins trade up for Sanchez, throwing away more picks.

Maybe it’s all a smokescreen, maybe I just wasted an hour on this post for no reason? Maybe Dan and Vinny are smarter than I think they are? Oh F me, welcome to DC Mr. Sanchez.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Friday, April 24, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled, Redskins

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