Fatpickled FFL: Meet The Players

Tomorrow night at 8:30 is the draft time for the first annual Fatpickled Fantasy Football league brought to you by the Cooley Zone. We have 12 owners in the league from all around the world…so this is our little introductions to each other and the readers of the blog. I will do a post a week showing the standings, results,..etc. The winner gets a cool trophy and a signed Cooley jersey. Here’s the fantasy team/fantasy owners…and as always, ladies first:

Romo’s New Jessica/Rebecca Ramey

Don’t take this little 99lb hottie too lightly…she’s the ruler and queen of my household. Her most notable athletic accomplishment is the fact she’s able to do the splits…I don’t believe I’ve taken advantage of that enough over the years (I personally believe twirling baton with Mark Moseley’s daughter trumps the splits.) Her favorite hobby is shopping and she’s interested in having more $$ to do so. Her favorite sports moment was our very own commissioner Kenny Mayne’s Dance Center…favorite athlete is Barbaro. She loves Johnny Depp and Fatpickle’s Mexican cuisine. If Tony Romo actually tried to make a move on her I’d bitch slap both his hat and his crooked smile on straight. She won’t be reading this cuz she doesn’t follow my blog. Welcome Honey, cake or?

TheTightestEnd/Heather Frank

H-Town’s fantasy team will get plenty of support from their owner; she’s a former cheerleader who earned 6 letters in high school. She’s also a 3-time letter winner in softball. She wins the award for having the most famous relative as she had an aunt who was in Happy Days (very cool) and an uncle who was in the movie 10 (did he get to make out with Bo Derek?) Her hobbies include playing and watching sports, writing/blogging, sewing, singing and traveling. Her favorite foods are fish tacos and any Mexican food from the west coast. Favorite movie is Almost Famous and she’s too young to pick an all-time favorite athlete, which makes me feel…old. She comes up with incredible team names and has finished in the top 5 of her fantasy leagues every year she’s played, which is one time so far. She may be the shortest person in the league and may look like “the girl next door,” but watch out for this one. Welcome May Bay.

KingofVols/Jason King

The “King” was a 5-sport letterman in high school and earned a golf scholarship. His favorite sports moment was the 91’ Skins Super Bowl victory and his favorite players are Chris Cooley and Art Monk. The beautiful thing about the Internet is that no matter where you are in the world you can play fantasy football and google Megan Fox pictures. You see, the King is busy overseas defending our country as a member of the United States Air Force…but he’s going to use his free time kicking ass and taking names in the FFFL. Welcome King, and thank you for your service to our country.

Fanfuckingtastic/Mathew Berkholtz

Whatchooo gonna do when the “Juggernaut’s” fantasy team runs wild on you? He’s a former rugby player and linebacker who wanted to be an archeologist like Harrison Ford in Indiana Jones. His favorite sports moment was when a 65-year-old grandmother in a Ron Jaworski jersey verbally assaulted him at FedEx field, cementing his hate of all things “Filthadelphia.” His favorite athlete of all time is John Riggins. In his spare times he enjoys camping/kayaking, drinking beer, eating crabs and watching the Redskins break his heart…sounds a lot like me. He vacations in Wisconsin every year…WTF? He enjoys reading Fatpickled on the shitter at work; this is my exact target audience! Welcome Matty B.

Skins N’ Beer/Eric Pearson

The “Arcola Assassin” is a 3-time basketball letter winner and former captain of the Mary Washington basketball team. He also won the International Shootout competition for the best shooter in the country as a 14 year old. He enjoys watching Matthew McConaughey act in movies without his shirt. He also enjoys Mr. Kenny Powers himself…Danny McBride. He is the younger, wiser and better-looking cousin of Fatpickle (I’ll give you younger…maybe even wiser, better looking?) He enjoys boxing, screenwriting, eating crabs and BBQ. Favorite athletes Ervin “Magic” Johnson and Barret Robbins…haha. Favorite sports moment was the Syracuse/Uconn 7 overtime game he watched from start to finish. He’s the uncle of future Skins D-tackle Christopher McCullers and the reining champion of his fantasy football and basketball leagues. Welcome self proclaimed, “fantasy genius,” Peer Pressure Pearson.

Muffin Head/Michael Morgan

Big Mike lives up to his nickname, as his height and weight are a Cal Ripkenesque 6’4” 225lbs. He lettered in baseball and football in H.S. before earning his degree at Texas A&M. He comes from a proud family of Swedes and Norwegians. His favorite athlete of all-time is Riggo and Super Bowl 17 is his favorite sports moment. Hobbies include golfing and poker…favorite foods are steak and seafood. He’s one of many guys in this league who enjoy Harrison Ford. He’s a 1st time fantasy football player; you got to watch out for those rookies! Welcome Ripple!

Nijas will ow!/Jason Anton

JT was a surfer in H.S. and is now working on enhancing his “Shaq size.” His favorite food is anything from McDonalds that is deep-fried…meaning he takes all McDonalds food and then deep fat fries it. He’s a computer programmer, musician and contributor to this blog. His favorite sports moment is Darrell Green catching Tony Dorsett. His grandfather was a prominent politician type in several different roles during the Kennedy, Johnson and Nixon administrations. His favorite movie is Fight Club and his favorite actor is Brando. He kicks ass in his office pick-em pools; lets see how he fares in the FFFL. Hopefully he’ll make it thru the season, he brings a whole new meaning to “super size me.” Welcome RevJT.

Stuart Pit-Bulls/ Vigrant Kulnarong

V is a former high school football player and is a Red Sox fan…I’m not gonna hold that against him since he’s also a Skins fan. His favorite sports moment was when the Sox erased a 0-3 deficit in the 2004 AL Championship series against the Yankees. He’s a classic movie buff whose favorite actors include Humphrey Bogart and Cary Grant. V helps run his father’s family business that distributes foods and goods to many restaurants in the DC/Metro area…so you can thank him for all the great Thai food you get to enjoy. V himself enjoys any restaurant that serves good dessert. His favorite athletes of all time are Ivan Lendl and Wayne Gretzky. V is half Thai and half Filipino and all about winning the FFFL. Welcome V.

Orakpo’s Bandwagon/Liam Moy

Liam has never had a nickname that stuck, so it’s our job to come up with one for him. He lettered in golf and once shot a 79 at the UofMD course. He and his wonderful wife Shari have a 22-month-old son and another baby on the way. Favorite movies include Ghostbusters, Godfather’s I/II and Fight Club. He has an aunt who worked for Premiere magazine writing entertainment stories. His uncle ran the Mass. pension fund that scored him really good Red Sox ticket, which should make V. jealous. His favorite athlete is Cal Ripken and his favorite sports moments were 2131 and the 2nd quarter of the Skins/Broncos Superbowl. He just started his MBA program (congrats,) so he has no hobbies. He has performed well in Fantasy baseball leagues…let’s see what he’s got for us in the FFFL. Welcome Liam.

New Kent Zornicators/Brian Davis

Brian was a 3-sport letterman in high school…baseball (2yrs), basketball (4yrs) and tennis (4yrs.) He also played tennis in college at Longwood University (do you listen to a lot of Pat McGee?) His favorite athlete of all-time is Cal Ripken. Brian had a cousin who played cornerback at Va Tech who set the school record with 3 Int’s vs. Florida St. He comes from a tight knit family of farmers (corn, wheat & soybeans.) He enjoys fishing, playing rec. sports with family, steak and attending Redskin games. Brian has extensive experience in all fantasy sports including football and nascar. Another one to watch out for here. Welcome Brian.

The Staches/David Stone

Stoner was an all-region selection in both soccer and volleyball in high school. His favorite actor is Johnny Depp and his favorite movies are Braveheart and Rudy. He had an ancestor who used to change the shitter for the King of England. His favorite all-time athlete is Mario Lemieux and he misses watching Sean Taylor crush people…I do too. His hobbies include playing and watching all sports as well as trying to smoke the worlds best brisket…ironically BBQ is his favorite food. A serious contender for the signed Cooley jersey, he won back 2 back fantasy football titles in 06-07’. Welcome Stoner.

15 Swinging Dicks/Doug Ramey

Fatpickle was a 4-time baseball letterman in high school and was an all-district and honorable mention All-Met his senior year. He played baseball at Shenandoah University where his career was derailed by alcohol. Favorite movie is the Shawshank Redemption and favorite actor is Ed Norton. Biggest athletic accomplishment was hitting a double off Cal Ripken, it only cost 8 grand. Favorite all time athlete of course is Ripken, favorite moments are 2131, Riggo’s run and the Terps basketball championship a few years ago.Famous relatives include Elvis, George Clooney and Jenna Jameson…you should see the family reunion! Fatpickle enjoys fishing, blogging, drinking beer, blue crabs, The Palm and PF Changs. Fatpickle has won Fantasy Football leagues before but list his finest fantasy accomplishment as being the MVP of the 2003 Jennifer Anniston Fantasy Camp. Welcome Fatpickle. Did I just talk about myself in the 3rd person?

Cheers and Hail

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