Posts Tagged ‘vinny’

Vinny Cerrato: I’m Dumber Than You Think

It’s been said many times that Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato should’ve been the characters in ‘Dumb and Dumber’. Well, if that’s the case, then the day Vinny called Brian Xanders must’ve been the inspiration for ‘Dumb and Dumberer’.

From DC Sports Bog and via some SiriusXM radio show, Vinny disclosed a trade he tried to make during the 2009 draft:

“Like, the year that we were gonna take Orapko [sic], you know, we were trying to trade up with everybody, trying to trade up. Then Denver’s on the clock the pick before us, and I called them. How about this, I offer them a third-round pick to swap, and they called me back and they said No, you’re gonna get your guy, don’t worry about it, you don’t have to trade. How about that one?” [Laughter.]

So, Vinny tried to trade the Redskins 1st rd pick plus a 3rd to move up ONE spot. STUPID. The Broncos brain trust, despite knowing the Redskins were targeting Brian Orakpo and not Knowshon Moreno, turned down this offer. STUPIDER.

Knowshon Moreno was a bust while Orakpo has been a stud for the Redskins. Sometimes the best deals are the ones that are never made. Vinny is long gone and in the words of Ron White “You can’t fix stupid.”

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Monday, April 23, 2012

Categories: Redskins

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Are The Redskins Re-Building? I’m 82% Sure They Are…Thanks To Vinny

This sh*t sandwich Vinny gave me has left a bad taste in my mouth!

Mike Shanahan was introduced as the Head Coach of the Washington Redskins on January 6th 2010, just 3 days after the Redskins finished a 4-12 season under Jim Zorn and 20 days after the hiring of Bruce Allen. The 2009 Redskins had 62 players appear in games during that season, a roster that was compiled by former Executive Vice President of Football Operations Vinny Cerrato. A little over 2 short years later, just 11 Redskins remain from the Zorn/Cerrato era. The won-loss record hasn’t changed much but the names on the backs of the jerseys sure have. An amazing 82% of those players are gone.

I guess a good way to describe the roster inherited by Allen and Shanny would be to say “there wasn’t a lot of meat left on the bone.” Of the 46 players that were cut, traded or not re-signed, 26 have yet to play another down in the NFL. Another 12 have barely played or played ineffectively and 2 guys have played at a Pro Bowl level. Here’s a look at all 62 players from 2009.

Still on active roster (11, 18%):

Lorenzo Alexander
Kevin Barnes
Chris Cooley
Fred Davis
Reed Doughty
Graham Gano
DeAngelo Hall
Rob Jackson
Will Montgomery
Santana Moss
Brian Orakpo

Current Free Agents (5, 8%):

London Fletcher
Kedric Golston
Rob Jackson
Rocky McIntosh
Byron Westbrook

To be determined (2, 3%):

Laron Landry
Mike Sellers (probably done)

Guys who have yet or may never play a down with another team (26, 42%):

HB Blades
Phillip Daniels
Cornelius Griffin
Robert Henson
Lendy Holmes
Chris Horton
Jeremy Jarmon
Levi Jones
Malcolm Kelly
Marcus Mason
Marko Mitchell
Anthony Montgomery
Kareem Moore
Glenn Pakulak
Sam Paulescu
Clinton Portis
Casey Rabach
William Robinson
Chris Samuels *retired
Hunter Smith
Fred Smoot
Randy Thomas
Mike Williams
Chris Wilson
Renaldo Wynn
Todd Yoder

Players who’ve barely played or played ineffectively (12, 19%):

Ethan Albright
D’Anthony Batiste
Ladell Betts
Todd Collins
Derrick Dockery
Quinton Ganther
Albert Haynesworth
Stephon Heyer
Antwann Randle El
Devin Thomas
Justin Tryon
Edwin Williams

Players who’ve played ok (4, 7%):

Jason Campbell
Rock Cartwright
Chad Rinehart
Shaun Suisham

Players who’ve played at a Pro Bowl level (2, 3%):

Andre Carter
Carlos Rogers

So, by my math it’s safe to say that Shanahan was handed a roster that consisted of over 50% of players that weren’t NFL caliber players. Obviously, the Redskins were in need of rebuilding, whether Shanny wanted to call it that or not. With only 18% of the players left from the Cerrato era, I have to say that the re-build is almost complete. All that’s missing now is Robert Griffin III and some W’s!

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Categories: Redskins

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The Best Deal Never Made

As I was sitting in Vegas last Sunday watching the Redskins/Bears game, I almost spit out my $12 beer when I read the above tweet. I want to say something right away, technically the Bears did not “top” the Redskins bid. Also, I was never in favor of a trade for Jay Cutler. The Bears traded two lower 1st round picks and only one 3rd rounder for Jay Cutler. Somehow, Vinny Cerrato was so bad at his job that he couldn’t convince the Bears that an extra 3rd round pick and 1st round picks that ended up being #13 and #4 overall (as opposed to #18 and #22 overall)was the better deal.

Mister Irrelevant just blogged about the Cutler trade and summed it up best when Jamie Mottram said the following in describing Cerrato’s inability to pull of the deal:

Thankfully, he failed at failing. It was probably the best thing he ever did.

That rings especially true when you realize just how ugly the trade would have been for the Redskins. To put it in the simplest terms possible, the Redskins would have traded Brian Orakpo, Trent Williams, Donovan McNabb, Kevin Barnes and next years 3rd round pick for Cutler. While Kevin Barnes and a 3rd rounder next year sound like fair compensation for Cutler, the rest sounds a bit excessive…to put it mildy.

The Redskins would have Jay Cutler and his lifetime 45% winning percentage as a starting QB.

The Redskins would not have Donovan McNabb and his lifetime 65% winning percentage.

The Redskins would not have Brian Orakpo, one of the best defensive players in the game and a perenial Pro Bowl player.

The Redskins would not have Trent Williams to protect the QB’s blindside for the next decade.

This could’ve turned out bad Redskins fans, really bad. Well, maybe not so bad if the trade went thru and the Redskins changed DeAngelo Hall to a wide receiver…

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Categories: Redskins

Tags: ,

24 Hours At The Danny’s

Comedian and blog friend Danny Rouhier contributed to this post. Check him out at funnydanny.com


picture via Hogs Haven

There is one sure fire way to know if Jerry Gray officially interviewed to be the head coach of the Redskins…did he spend the night at Dan Snyder’s mansion? Seriously, WTF is up with the sleepover interviews at the Danny’s? What other job in the world do you not only wear a suit to the interview but you also bring your pajamas? I’m not making this up…it’s well documented.

So this has to make one wonder…what goes on in that 24 hour period at Danny’s house? Luckily, I was a fly on the wall during the Shanahan interview and I’m here to report my findings. Here’s a timeline breakdown of what went down.

5pm-6pm The Interview

What interview? Shanahan was hired months ago. So…Dan, Shanny and the man Shanny HIRED…Bruce Allen, spend this time playing the hand slap game, paper/rock/scissors and Call of Duty.

6pm-7pm Dinner

The boys have worked up quite the hunger from all the games so Dan and Shanny dispatch Bruce to get some Johnnie Rockets burgers.

7pm-9pm Film Breakdown

It’s time to start evaluating talent, so Bruce, Dan and Shanny sit down to watch highlights of last years Golden Globes and Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year. Bruce and Shanny butt heads over the use of Ryan Seacrest, Bruce wants more while Shanny wants less. Dan tells Bruce that Shanny has final say…Seacrest OUT!

10pm-11pm Special Guests

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stop by for a visit. Bruce was a big fan of Dawson’s Creek, so Katie entertains him by acting out old scenes. Tom, Dan and Shanny retreat to the basement for some clay table processing. Kenny Loggins stops by just to sing “Highway to the Danger Zone” for effect.

12am-1am Racquetball

Needing a 4th for a mini round robin tournament, Dan calls “consultant” Vinny Cerrato over to play. So…Vinny walks over to the main house from his apartment over Dan’s garage. Before match play begins Vinny dispenses the one and only piece of valuable “consulting” information he has learned in 10 years on the job…let the boss win.

1am-2am Massage

After calling several classified adds in the City Paper Bruce finds a couple of nice medical students (a blonde and an Italian) to come over and give Dan and Shanny well deserved massages. Bruce advises them to ask for the full service.

2am-4am Bonding

Bruce and Vinny have retreated to the garage apartment and it’s time for the new BFF’s to bond. Shanny originally wanted to go to bed but Dan reminded him that Gibbs worked till 4am. Shanny was pissed so he tea-bagged Danny’s drum set…but the spat was over quickly and the 2 bonded by playing truth or dare, ran a sack race and built a pillow fort. Dan also helped Shanny set up his FaceBook profile. Another spat ended the night when Dan overruled Shanahan again…Dan always gets the top bunk.

4am-8am Sleep/Brainwashing

Shanahan tossed and turned with a case of the Johnny Rockets farts. Dan spent this time brainwashing Shanny into never reading page 14 of his contract (aka the Lavar page,) and always falling in love with every “sexy” pick the Danny likes. He also convinced Shanahan to think he has “total control” even though he never really will.

8am-9am Golf Cart Ride

Bright and early Dan took Shanny on a golf cart ride around the estate. Shanny tried to explain football terminology to Dan but spent 30 minutes going over “trips” and “traps.” Dan drove down to the river to say hello to Bruce and Vinny who were busy cutting down nuisance trees.

9am-11am Cartoons!

Another fight …over the remote control this time. Danny likes old school “Tom & Jerry” and “Thundercats,” while Shanny is more of a “Phineas and Ferb” guy.

11am-12pm Extreme Makeover

Dan’s stylist comes in to hook Shanny up for his big press conference. This process involves only one thing…which of these 1,000 burgundy and gold ties would you like to wear Mr. Shanahan?

12pm-2pm The New Digs

Helicopter ride over to Ashburn where Shanny settles into his new office. The office looks more like a prison wall from where Zorn has been counting down the days using hash marks. Jerry Gray had been “squatting” in the office for several days. While being removed he was heard muttering “they said they would get back to me.”

2pm Ladies & Gentlemen…You’re New Coach

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Categories: Redskins

Tags: , , ,

Dumb And Dumber

The hiring of Jim Zorn

Dan and Vinny were like a “monkey f’ing a football” during the entire process of hiring a head coach after Gibbs left. What should have been a swift and efficient process turned into a month long soap opera that ended in a…WTF? Here’s a look back at the decisions that brought Jim Zorn to the Redskins.

Ignoring Gibbs

After Gibbs decided to retire after the season, it was said that he (as well as many players) endorsed Gregg Williams for the head coaching position in a meeting with Dan. Of course Dan let that endorsement from the most influential figure in Redskins history go in 1 ear and out the other. But why would Dan listen to the old man? Well, one good reason would be that Dan was still paying Gibbs his 6 million a year as a “consultant.” Another great reason was the fact that Gibbs just led the Skins to the playoffs 2 out of the last 3 seasons…and knew the team better than anyone. Or maybe because Gibbs won 3 Super Bowls and has forgotten more about football than Dan will ever know. Of course Dan strung Williams along for 10 days or so before not only not hiring him, but giving him his walking papers as the D coordinator as well (although Williams would have never stayed, Dan still has to maintain the power.) Dan was wrong not to hire Gregg Williams as the head coach. Not because he was the right man for the job (I’m not sure that he was and not sure he would have been successful either,) but by not listening to a great football mind like Gibbs…something Dan refuses to do. FAIL #1

Promoting Vinny

The next step to finding a head coach was to take a moment and…promote Vinny to Executive VP/Football Operations. The Redskin’s official press release announced that Vinny “will assume responsibility for all aspects of the team’s football organization – including personnel, the team roster, scouting and salary cap management.” This is a great way to lure the “cream of the crop” of head coaches…let them know they’ve got to report to Vinny and defer to him on all personnel decisions. Now that’s got to sound attractive to a Cowher-type doesn’t it. FAIL#2

Meet your staff Coach

Next came the revealing of the “mystery candidate,” Jim Fassell. This would end up being the 2nd time that Dan left Fassell at the altar. Dan and Vinny strung him along while they were supposedly trying to assemble his coaching staff, which would feature Rex Ryan as D coordinator and Jim Zorn as the O coordinator. Ryan never had an interest in joining the Redskins in this capacity, but Zorn was hired as the O coordinator, based upon the fact that Dan and Vinny were “blown away” by his interview. Dan and Vinny then inked up Greg Blache as the D coordinator and now basically have an entire staff for their still unknown head coach. Just a quick recap, the incoming head coach now basically has his entire coaching staff already decided, and must defer all football decisions to Vinny. FAIL#3

Suit it up, Jim

Zorn was not a “hot commodity” for O coordinator positions around the NFL; he had never advanced past QB coach at any level in the NFL. He wasn’t the “young, sexy pick” to be a head coach in the NFL…that would have been Josh McDaniels, whom I believe the Skins never interviewed. Zorn was 54 years old and basically was only know for his “quirky” training methods. He had never called plays; he had never devised a game plan. He was never in charge of more than 3 players. But Dan and Vinny were blown away. And as the candidates began to dwindle…the job was now the equivalent of going out on a first date with a girl who’s 6 months pregnant…Dan and Vinny invited Zorn to interview for the head job. “Suit it up, Jim.” FAIL#4

The rest is now history. Zorn was named HC, OC and QB coach. Severely over his head…and he hasn’t been able to get his head back above water. I’m afraid that he’s close to no longer being able to tread water…and that’s where the Skins are at this point.

Next post will focus on personnel decisions.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Categories: Redskins

Tags: , , ,

Dan and Vinny Are Giving JC The Dirty Sanchez

I’d like to squash that half a motherf&%ker!

It’s true…and it’s like Ron Jeremy delivered the dirty sanchez. It’s ridiculous the way the brain trust of the Skins are treating Jason Campbell. Dan and Vinny have gotten around more the past couple of weeks than Paris Hilton does on a Vegas trip.

A quick recap of the “relationship” that JC is in:

With only one year left on his original contract, the Skins let him know that they will not be offering him a new deal before the season. This is the equivalent of your girlfriend telling you to not buy those airline tickets for both of you to fly to your hometown for Christmas…let’s wait and see what happens.

After denying that they have any interest at all in Jay Cutler, they tried to trade JC plus a couple #1′s for him. This is the equivalent of your girlfriend denying she’s seeing anyone else. Meanwhile, she’s texting some “party dude” for a late night booty call. After random dude bangs her out, she comes back apologizing to you.

Dan and Vinny then meet with JC to clear the air, said meeting provides the “we’re cool” media responses. Meanwhile, Byron Leftwich is at Redskins Park for a workout. This is the equivalent of your girlfriend saying everything is fine, and you say “no, somethings wrong?” And it goes back and forth with her saying nothings wrong and you just want the bitch to say YES, THIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP IS FUCKED. But she doesn’t, even though she’s getting ready to bang out some old bastard.

Now word is that the front office is “smitten” with Mark Sanchez, but of course they deny everything. This is the equivalent of your girlfriend running away with the pool boy who looks like A-Rod. Your thinking WTF? I give up.

JC keeps giving all the right answers and saying all the right things. He’s got that same calm, cool look that he has in games. At some point he’s got to crack. I hope it’s behind closed doors and he gives Dan and Vinny a verbal ass whooping. JC deserves another season in Zorns offense. He’s improved every year, there’s no reason to believe that he won’t this year. My fear is that they are going to trade him on draft day for a 3rd or 4th round pick. I hope I’m wrong.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled, Redskins

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