Posts Tagged ‘dumb and dumber’

Redskins Chances Of Winning The Super Bowl Are 100/1

Las Vegas has set the 2012 Super Bowl odds and it’s safe to say that they’re not the least bit impressed with the Redskins. Vegas has set the Redskins line at 100 to 1 odds on winning this years title. Meaning, if you and 9 of your friends each contributed 10 bucks towards a $100 bet and John Beck somehow led the Redskins to the promised land…you’d each be $1000 richer. Not a bad return on your investment…but a dumb bet nonetheless.

I guess I’m a cup half full kind of guy because this was my initial reaction to our chances:

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Categories: Redskins

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Hall Of Shame

I’m Livin the dream, how can I f**k it up?
Plaxico Burress is the latest in a long line of professional athletes who have found a way to “ruin a wet dream.” Many athletes have squandered their fame and fortune, and they have found many different ways to do so. I have compiled my own little Hall of Shame, complete with categories documenting their downfall.
I do have to admit that I am guilty of some of these. When I go out I hit the ATM and get plenty of cash, usually my fast cash option of 60 bucks. Because when I’m out at my local pub, I may want to make it rain while I’m eating my corned beef sandwich. And I usually bring my numchucks in case someone starts hassling me while I’m playing Golden Tee.
My Hall of Shame Team,
I want to use my signing bonus or last 50 grand I have in the bank to make a drug deal club:
Travis Henry – After screwing up a 5 year/22.5 mil deal with the Broncos, Henry decided to become “the ruthless money guy in a cocaine trafficking ring.”
Jamal Lewis – In the prime of his career he decided to help a few buddies work up a drug deal, causing him to lose millions and spend some time in the clink.
Nate Newton – I love this story. 5 weeks after getting arrested for having 213 lbs of pot in his van, Newton was arrested again. This time he only had the van loaded down with 175lbs!
Timmy Smith - After rushing for 204 yds in Super Bowl XXII against the Broncos, Timmy retired to Denver. I’m not sure if he knows Travis Henry, but they both live in the Denver area and deal cocaine.
I don’t deal drugs, I abuse them club:
Dwight Gooden - Suspended multiple times as coke and alcohol derailed a potential HOF career.
Darryl Strawberry - see Dwight Gooden above.
Dexter Manley - One of the greatest DE’s ever, he could never stay away from the crack, and was banned from the NFL.
Travis Henry - Suspended by the NFL multiple times for using drugs and yes he also deals them!
I made millions in my career but spent millions more club:
Evander Holyfield - Still boxing after making 250 million, creditors are lined up!
Mike Tyson – How much money does Don King have?
Travis Henry - “He doesn’t have any money. The guy has significant financial issues.” A quote from Henry’s lawyer.
This club is the bomb, I think I’m gonna bust a cap up in this bitch club:
Tank Johnson -Had enough guns and ammo at his house to film Die Hard 5.
Plaxico Burress - I play for the Giants and I’m going to a club in Manhattan. I’m worried that people might not know who I am, so how can I draw attention to myself? I know, I’ll wear a couple hundred grand worth of jewelery and bring thousands of dollars in cash. I better bring a gun.
Maurice Clarett - After getting “his goose on” with the Broncos, Clarett was arrested for armed burglary and had 5 loaded weapons in his car. And a bottle of Grey Goose.
Smack my bitch up club:
Mike Tyson - arrested for rape
Lawrence Phillips - do not date this man
Riddick Bowe – kidnapped wife and kids
The degenerate drunk gambler club (also known as the white man’s club):
Art Schlichter - has lied, cheated, and stole his entire life due to his addiction to gambling.
John Daly - has never found a bar, casino, or Hooters that he hasn’t liked. Claims to have lost at least 50 million gambling!
Denny Mclain - The last MLB pitcher to win 30 games, he has all kinds of issues like drug trafficking, embezzlement, and racketeering.
Pete Rose - So he had a gambling problem, this is Charlie Hustle, he deserves to be in the Hall!
The I’m gonna pull out this time club:
Evander Holyfield - 11 childen
Travis Henry - 9 children by 9 different women, by the age of 28!
Shawn Kemp - 7 children by 6 women
There are many more categories, and many, many more dumb asses who have flushed it all away. But can we find a better face for our Hall of Shame than this guy?

I’m not only a member, I’m also the President.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Categories: Fatpickled, MLB, NBA, NCAA, NFL

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Top 10 Comedies of All Time

Sometimes in life we are faced with difficult decisions, and I have given myself one here. How do I pick the greatest Comedy of all time? Well, I do have many hours spent reviewing the material listed in this blog, and I also think that I know everything. So, here are my choices for the top ten Comedies of all time. Do you agree, disagree? Share your comments.

#10 National Lampoon’s Vacation /FletchThere was a time when Chevy Chase was the funniest man on the planet, how did he lose it?

Best Lines – “You think you hate it now, wait till you drive it” “I’ll have a bloody mary, a steak sandwich, and a steak sandwich”

#9 Slapshot – My thoughts on this movie are already well documented
Best Line – “Here’s to all that snatch in F-L-A”

#8 Clerks – Great movie, great dialogue. Made for 27k. Is this movie really 14 years old?
Best Line – “37? 37? Try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!”

#7 Animal House – Without this movie there is no Porky’s, no Revenge of the Nerds, no American Pie, and another 100 movies like them.
Best Line – “They took the bar, the whole f’ing bar”

#6 Blazing Saddles – This movie could never play in a theater these days, no way. It is politically incorrect!
Best Lines – “We’ll work up an old #6 on them”

#5 Ace Ventura – This movie could be #1. It’s got sports, dick jokes, and people talking out of their asses.
Best Line – “Your gun is digging into my hip” “Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea”

#4 Tommy Boy – I miss Farley. A joy to watch.
Best Line – “Fat guy in a little coat” “Next thing you know there’s money missing off your dresser and your daughter’s knocked up”

#3 Old School – Finally a movie from the past 10 years that makes my list, am I just old and out of it? This movie has it all, great characters, storyline, and dialogue.
Best Line – “It’s so good when it hits your lips” “I thought we were in the trust tree”

#2 Dumb and Dumber – Non-stop laughs from start to finish. Jim Carrey and the Farrelly Bros. at their best.
Best Line – “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber” “Raider of the lost fart”

#1 Caddyshack – I can watch this movie with my eyes closed. Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, Ted Knight, and Rodney. Like Old School they just turned the camera on and said – do your thing.
Best Line – “How’d ya like to mow my lawn, hmmm, hmmm?” I have to laugh, I outsmarted myself”

Honorable Mention:

Billy Madison, Christmas Vacation, Dirty Work, 40 Yr Old Virgin, Friday, The Jerk, Kingpin, Wedding Crashers

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Categories: Fatpickled

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