NFL: Week 1 In Review

Please welcome back the FWG (check out his sweet new site) as he and I give our 1 sentence thoughts about each NFL Team after Week 1’s action.

AFC EAST
PATRIOTS
FP: I’m anxious to see if it was the jersey that made Brady look so slow…or he’s not fully recovered?
FWG: I was at that game… Stiff. Like a boner in a strip club, rigor mortis– stiff.

JETS

FP: A very nice start to the Rex Ryan and “Dirty” Sanchez era in NY.
FWG: I was wondering how long it would be before you through in a “Dirty” Sanchez. In an act of defiance I will be referring to him as, Mark “Rust Trombone”

DOLPHINS

FP: Has the “wildcat” already jumped the shark?
FWG: Miami has the “Wildcat”, the eagles have “The Pitbull” (too soon?)

BUF

FP: A couple more weeks of catching 2 passes a game and T.O.’s going to be a little restless…to say the least.
FWG: I think it’s safe to say that Dick Jauron’s is on the hotseat.

AFC NORTH
BAL

FP: After many years the Ravens finally have a good offense, if it’s not too late for the D…they will go deep into the playoffs.
FWG: Probably the only competition for the Steelers in the AFC, Flacco’s strong arm will take them far.

PIT

FP: Big win for the Steelers to start the year, but they will need to get more production at RB, don’t think Parker can do it anymore.

CLE

FP: Anxious to see if Brady Quinn can be the man at QB, I’m sure Mangini and Brown’s fans are too.
FWG: Cleveland finally has the QB position solitified—hopefully the rest of the organization can follow suit.

CIN

FP: Wow! What a horrible way to lose a game…but where was all offensive firepower we were going to see again this year?
FWG: Ochocinco’s production? What production?

AFC SOUTH

IND

FP: Can anyone tell me why I didn’t have Reggie Wayne higher on my fantasy draftboard?
FWG: Attention INDY Fans, you’ve got an UNBELIEVABLE running back with Donald Brown.

TEN

FP: They are not going to lose many games with that running game and defense.
FWG: Kearse. Done.

HOU

FP: Most disappointing opening weekend for any team, especially from a fantasy perspective.
FWG: Former teammate and clipboard holder extrodanaire Dan Orlovski is playing..er…clibboard holding on your sidelines for 3.3 million a year. Disappointing indeed.

JAC

FP: Jack Del Rio or David Garrard, who’s going to lose their job first?
FWG: I’m not a betting man, but I’m going to say Jim Tressel.

AFC WEST
SD

FP: For his career, LT has averaged 115 yds rushing per game against Oakland, he got 14 touches Monday night.

DEN

FP: Hail Mary, Full of grace …
FWG: Ahh, I see you’ve been reading the “How To Be A Bills Fan” manual…

KC

FP: Hey Brodie Croyle, nice game against a tough D.
FWG: Ditto?

OAK

FP: Heyward-Bey 0 catches, Tom Cable “I thought I saw a real nervous uptight young man,”…maybe he thought you were going to punch him.
FWG: This will by Tyvonn Branch’s breakout season in Oakland. Get your starter jackets out of retirement.

NFC EAST
NYG

FP: I’m calling it right now, they do not win the Division, might not make the playoffs.
FWG: Blasphemous! But, But…hes…a..a, a Manning!

PHI

FP: They laid the wood to Carolina and didn’t miss a beat with the new D-coordinator.
FWG: I want to see Philly fail, rib injury aside they looked very good.

DAL

FP: Their offense is scary…lots of options there.
FWG: Romo’s Three TD Passes are a hat tip to his new focus (sans Jessica Simpson) offensive weapons aside, Dallas could finally win a playoff game this year

WAS

FP: They lost to STL last year and only beat DET on a Santana Moss punt return, don’t overlook any team in the NFL.
FWG: I’ll assume this is your 30 beers talking, but again the Skins don’t look horrible this year, not to mention your fans are everywhere.

NFC WEST
GB

FP: Like I said last week, I’m totally in love with this team.
FWG: Agreed. I love A.J. Hawk and his long flowing locks.

MIN

FP: Peterson is a freak and may allow Favre to have his highest QB rating ever!
FWG: Everyone is talking about the offense here, hello—Jared Allen and the rest of Dom Capers should be proud.

DET

FP: Bet against them until further notice, Stafford game 1- 3 INT’s and a 27.4 QB rating.
FWG: A losing team in Detroit? Oh, I’ll believe it when I see it….

CHI

FP: Relax Bear’s fans Jay Cutler is really not as bad as he wan Monday night, at least I don’t think he is?
FWG: Well, 4 INT’s might beg to differ…

NFC SOUTH
NO

FP: If healthy all year Brees goes for 45TD’s and 5,000 yards…did Reggie Bush forget how to rush for positive yardage?
FWG: No. Reggie Bush drinks Coke Zero, cause he likes things that are good, but never quite lived up to their hype.

ATL

FP: This team is good and will win this division easily.
FWG: Matt Ryan went 22 of 26 for 229 and 2 TDs— I concurr, Dr.

TB

FP: Cadillac Williams was the lone bright spot, his burst is back & looks fully recovered from knee injuries.
CAR

FP: Should we stick a fork in Jake Delhomme…is the fat lady singing?
FWG: She done sung.

NFC WEST
SEA

FP: You can’t beat a 28 –zippy win, it was the Rams…but still.
FWG: Please never, ever say zippy again, and yes, the Rams suck.

SF

FP: I’m calling it right here, the 49er’s win this division.

ARI

FP: Kurt Warner looked a little like the 04-05 edition of Kurt Warner last week.
FWG: Meaning what? He and his wife have matching haircuts again?

STL

FP: Bright spot in box score, rookie Jim Laurinaitis with 14 tackles and a fumble recovery.
FWG: Probably the only bright spot for Ohio State fans this past weekend…

Cheers and Hail

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