Archive for February, 2011

Jimmy K Is My New Personal Trainer

I have to join this gym! Minka Kelly, Jessica Biel, Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba and Sofia Vergara are members. I’m definately taking the Humpilates class…Biel and Johansson seem to especially enjoy it. Your welcome!

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Monday, February 28, 2011

Categories: Fatpickled

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Redskins All-Time Best/Worst RB’s

This is part 2 in a series of posts in which I’ll list my choices for the Redskins all-time best and worst players at each position. Agree, disagree? Let me know in the comments. Today we cover Running Backs, next up are the Wide Receivers.

Worst

#5 – Timmy Smith – Forget about the 204 yards in the Super Bowl, you and I could’ve rushed for 100+ behind those holes. Smith was the starter heading into 1988 and he produced 470 yards rushing and more fumbles (4) than TD’s (3). He lost his job to #4 on this list and was cut after the season. We’ll always have the 87’ Super Bowl…

#4 – Jamie Morris – Little brother of Redskins killer Joe Morris, Jamie produced 6 fumbles and a 3.1 YPC average in 7 career starts after being drafted in the 4th round. One bright spot for Morris was the last game of 1988. Gibbs called his number 45 times for 152 yards in a loss to the Bengals…in his 45 carries his longest rush was 12 yards!

#3 – Calvin Hill – Hill was a stud for the Cowboys, making the Pro Bowl 4 times in 6 seasons before joining the Redskins. For the Redskins…not so good. In 2 seasons he appeared in 28 games rushing for only 558 yards and 2 total TD’s…he fumbled 7 times.

#2 – T.J. Duckett – In the 2006 preseason Clinton Portis was injured leading the Redskins to trade a 3rd round pick for Duckett. Like most trades the Redskins make in exchange for coveted 3rd round picks, this failed miserably and led to this ironic headline. Duckett produced 132 yards rushing and even sucked at short yardage and goal-line situations, despite weighing 250+ lbs.

#1 – Larry Johnson – 5 carries for 2 yards…he rushed for 2 more yards than I have for the Redskins. I’m convinced I could’ve rushed for 4 yards in 5 carries. He also insulted a Redskins all-time great during his short tenure.

Best

#5 – Earnest Byner – 2 Pro Bowls and 4 seasons with 1,000+ yards rushing and receiving. Super Bowl Champion.

#4 – Stephen Davis – 2 Pro Bowls. Had a 3 year run as good as any Redskins running back in team history from 1999-2001, rushing for 4,155 yards and 33 TD’s during that time.

#3 – Clinton Portis – 1 Pro Bowl and #2 in career rushing yards. 4 seasons of 1,000+ rushing yards. 49 TD’s.

#2 – Larry Brown – 4 Pro Bowls and the 1972 NFL MVP. 5 seasons of 1,000+ yards rushing and receiving and 55 TD’s.

#1 – John Riggins – 1 Pro Bowl and member of the NFL HOF. 1 Super Bowl Championship (MVP). #1 in career yards rushing and rushing TD’s. 4 seasons of 1,000+ yards rushing.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Monday, February 28, 2011

Categories: Redskins

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Redskins All Time Best/Worst QB’s

This is the first in a series of posts in which I’ll list my choices for the Redskins all-time best and worst players at each position. Agree, disagree? Let me know in the comments. Today we cover Quarterbacks, next up are the Running Backs.

Worst

#5 Tim Hasselbeck – Out of all the crappy QB’s Steve Spurrier rolled out during his tenure as Redskins head coach, Hasselbeck was the worst. He started 5 games, compiling a 1-4 record and a 63.6 QB rating. I can’t stand to see his face on ESPN and his wife is annoying as hell.

#4 Stan Humphries – The 1990 Redskins had virtually the same roster as the 1991 squad that won the Super Bowl, the difference? Well, that would be the 5 game stretch where Humphries had to start for an injured Mark Rypein. Humphries threw 1 TD and 10 picks during that time. His run as starter came to an end during “the body bag” game. To his credit, Humphries had a decent career in San Diego and led them to a Super Bowl in 1994.

#3 Jeff George – This one is on the Danny. His handpicked QB started 7 games as a Redskin, winning 1 of them. His last game as a Redskin (and as a NFL player) was an embarrassing 37-0 loss against the Packers on Monday night. He disgraced the #3 worn by Mark Moseley…hell he disgrace the #3 worn by Hunter Smith.

#2 Norm Snead – Before my time but his numbers speak volumes. He was 9-30-3 as a starter and threw 46 TD’s versus 71 INT’s! The great news…we were able to trade him for Sonny Jurgenson.

#1 Heath Shuler – Did you expect any other name here? He sucked, no he “epically” sucked. He won 30% of his starts, had a 58.3% QB rating and, well…he sucked!

Best

#5 Billy Kilmer – A fan favorite Billy led the Redskins to a Super Bowl and also appeared in a Pro Bowl. He was 50-23 as a starter.

#4 Mark Rypein – Rypein appeared in 2 Pro Bowls and was the Super Bowl MVP in 1991.

#3 Sonny Jurgensen – Sonny made 4 Pro Bowls and a Super Bowl. Sonny is #2 in career yards passing and passing TD’s for the Skins. Hall of Famer.

#2 Joe Theismann – 2 Super Bowls with 1 Championship. 2 Pro Bowls and the Redskins career leader in passing yards and wins as a starter.

#1 Sammy Baugh – Way before my time, but the guy pretty much threw the first forward pass. All-around athlete who earned 6 Pro Bowls and 4 Championship game (2 wins) births. #1 on the Redskins career list for passing TD’s and a Hall of Famer.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Thursday, February 24, 2011

Categories: Redskins

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The Urban Dictionary For NFL Coaches

While doing research for a new post tonight I stumbled upon this post from 2009 and realized that nothing I could write tonight would be as good as this…I hope you enjoy this repost.

nfl_ug_3coaches_576

If it’s on the Internet it must be true, right? Sometimes I enjoy searching the Urban Dictionary for fun definitions, a Cincinatti Traffic Jam is still one of my favorites. So I decided to search the UD for the definitions of all 32 NFL head coaches. The results of what I found are below, you have the definitions, along with the proper use of each coaches name in a sentence. Feel free to incorporate the lingo in your day to day vocabulary. I mean, I spend every Sunday trying to not end up Sean Paytoning myself!

Tom Coughlan – a code word for a girl’s period.

My girls been giving me a ration of s*&# all day, she must be on her Tom Couglan.

Andy Reid – Fat, overweight, or obese

Rick’s dropped 30 pounds and he’s still Andy Reid.

Wade Phillips – slang term for marijuana meaning “weed”.

They say 70% of the NBA tests positive for Wade Phillips.

Jim Zorn – A slang term used to discreetly refer to a man’s erection.

I’ve got to sit here at my desk for a minute or two, I had a Jim Zorn pop up on me.

Brad Childress – One that is in sync with his/her “bitches and hoes”

I’ve totally got my Brad Childress working with Halle Berry & Jennifer Anniston.

Lovie Smith – A person who does not leave and does not understand the word no.

Megan Fox has told Fatpickle to get lost a thousand times, but he’s still Lovie Smithing her.

Mike McCarthy – to fail, screw up or mess up

I can’t believe we found a way to Mike McCarthy this game up.

Jim Schwartz – Anyone who has the knack for working on any project and making it turn out like crap.

Did you see the proposal Rich did for the meeting? He totally Jim Schwartz’d it.

Sean Payton – excess alcohol consumption, resulting in shitting of the pants.

Had to throw away my boxers last night, that last lemon drop made me Sean Payton.

Mike Smith – Loser with a hairy ass and nice titties and a small penis.

Rush Limbaugh is Mike Smith.

John Fox – a person who uses the services of a prostitute

I’m going to log onto to Craig’s list and see if I can get my John Fox on.

Raheem Morris – To simultaneously sneeze and s*&#.

Ahh, ahh, ahh, chooo. Oh no! I Raheem Morris’d!

Mike Singletary – To take a s*&# on somebody’s forehead and wake them up quickly.

Common Johnny wake up! The fish are biting! If you’re not up in 5 minutes I’m going to Mike Singletary you.

Ken Whisenhunt – Barbie’s plastic bitch.

Derek can’t do anything anymore; his girl treats him like Ken Whisenhunt.

Jim Mora – To take a talented and winning core of players and coach them into a miserable season.

Who does this Norv Turner think he is…Jim Mora?

Steve Spagnolo – A visible thong on a woman above her jeans/shorts

Look at that smoking hot girl right there, I see a red Steve Spagnolo peeking out.

Rex Ryan – A man with an 11 incher who picks up a lot of milfs at the library.

Eric tapped another hot milf last night, the guys becoming a regular Rex Ryan!

Bill Belichick – Cheater, Fraud, Led the New England Patriots to 3 Tainted Super Bowl Championships.

Mr. Snyder I’ve found the answer to turn things around, the answer is cheating…and we need Bill Belichick as an “extra set of eyes.”

Tony Sparano – a great man, a horny bastard though

I hope on my tombstone it reads “here lays Tony Sparano”

Dick Jauron – An adjective to describe a guy who is a jerk or does mean and stupid things.

Dan Snyder has run this franchise into the ground by being a total Dick Jauron.

Marvin Lewis – The act of dick slapping or hitting a woman with your penis.

Do you think Obama’s gives the first lady a Marvin Lewis?

John Harbaugh – Randomly adding people on facebook that you have never met in real life, especially girls that write on your friend’s walls.

I don’t know who this freak is trying to be friend me on Facebook, do you know John Harbaugh?

Mike Tomlin – To do a Tomlin involves the individual concerned struggling with his or her latent longing for sex with their own gender to such an extent that a mental breakdown occurs.

Do you recall 2 seasons ago when T.O. had that Mike Tomlin?

Eric Mangini – a camel toe

Look at the hot chick in the spandex…can you say Eric Mangini?

Jim Caldwell – to describe yourself or someone with a large penis.

Looks like that Visanthe Shiancoe is smuggling a Jim Caldwell.

Jack Del Rio – To masturbate

I don’t know about you, but I can’t function on my day off till I Jack Del Rio.

Gary Kubiak – An a-hole.

You know Rick from accounting is a total Gary Kubiak.

Jeff Fisher – The art of burping and farting at the same time.

I love the chili from Ben’s Chili Bowl, but it always gives me the Jeff Fishers.

Josh Mcdaniels – Getting a hand job.

Well..honey, can I at least get a Josh McDaniels?

Norv Turner – Used to describe the pinnacle of dysfunctional head coaching abilities conversationally

Dan Snyder hired Zorn because he thought he was the next Norv Turner.

Tom Cable – To take a shit

Call the plumber, I just laid a Tom Cable that won’t go down.

Todd Haley – The wet spot in a bed.

Let’s do it over here, I don’t want to sleep on the Todd Haley all night.

Cheer and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Categories: NFL

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Moving Redskins Park Would Be Another Bad Move

When Dan Snyder was doing his round of interviews during Super Bowl week he touched on a variety of topics (in between bus-rolling Tony Wylie). One of the items that interested me the most was when he mentioned that he’s interested in moving Redskins Park from Loudoun County to another location in the DMV. The Redskins have been headquartered in Herndon or Ashburn for nearly 40 years and I’ve documented some of the great times I’ve had at these locations here on this blog.

There’s no doubt that Redskins Park is ageing and lacking some of the features of more modern facilities, mainly the practice bubble. On several occasions last year the team was forced to practice in a hangar at Dulles Airport due to inclement weather. In the picture above you’ll notice a $4.5 million indoor high school facility the Packers practiced in during Super Bowl week. Yes, there are high school teams with better training facilities to prepare them for games.

There is ample room at current Redskins Park to build a “bubble” as indoor practice fields are sometimes called. Dan Snyder could very easily authorize the construction of the bubble and remodeling of current Redskins Park to bring the team up to speed with the rest of the league. The threat of leaving Ashburn for DC or MD has only one motive behind it, MONEY! I’m sure that Snyder could have DC or MD step up and offer to help pay for part or all of a new building in exchange for the boost of that areas local economy.

I’m sure if you took a poll of current Redskins asking them if they’d like to stay in Ashburn or move to MD for a state of the art facility with Audrina Patridge as the head masseuse, nearly all the players would say Ashburn. All the players and coaches live in the Ashburn or Great Falls area and I’m quite certain none of them would want to deal with rush hour traffic to get to MD! The other alternative for the players would be moving their families closer to the new location. It would be such a great idea for Snyder to ask +/- 70 players and coaches to try and sell their homes in this economy…after locking them out.

The bottom line is this, the tradition of the Redskins in Loudoun is strong and they should remain there. Danny’s the one with the helicopter, he can continue commuting.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Friday, February 18, 2011

Categories: Redskins

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Brandon Branks is Definitely Scrappy

By this time we all know that Brandon Banks was stabbed outside a nightclub last Saturday morning. What we still don’t know is the severity of his injuries (they appear to be much worse than originally reported) or who started the altercation. It was originally reported that Banks came to the aid of a lifelong friend after the fight had already started, now reports are surfacing that Banks started the fight.

Here’s what I do know, Banks became a fan favorite last season by fearlessly returning kicks and running the wildcat against players nearly twice his size. Bank stands 5’7″ and weighs about 145lbs and has a reckless abandon while on the field…he also appears to not back down from an altercation, in fact it seems he likes to jump right into the fray. Below are 2 videos of a “fight” that occured between the Redskins and Eagle before last years Monday night game. What started as a little jawing among LaRon Landry and DeSean Jackson quickly escalated to pushing and shoving among the teams. Who was right in the middle right in front instigating and trying to mix it up, you guessed it Brandon Banks. Watch the videos below and you’ll see a bouncing #16 coming from out of nowhere and weaving his way past bigger lineman to put himself right up front.

In this first video below, you’ll see Banks fly into the picture at approx. the 9 second mark. He weaves around the bigger bodies and positions himself near the front.

In the second video a different angle shows Banks jumping up and down around the 10 second mark and further shows him being held back by some of the lineman on a couple separate occasions.

The videos don’t show any major issues on Banks part. However, one can gather from the videos that he wasn’t there to defuse the situation, he only appeared to try and further instigate things. It also shows that he is willing to have the backs of his fellow teammates (and friends) which is certainly admirable.

I hope for a speedy recovery for BB and I would like to say that he became a favorite of mine last season. Get well soon.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Categories: Redskins

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