Archive for January, 2010

24 Hours At The Danny’s

Comedian and blog friend Danny Rouhier contributed to this post. Check him out at funnydanny.com

picture via Hogs Haven

There is one sure fire way to know if Jerry Gray officially interviewed to be the head coach of the Redskins…did he spend the night at Dan Snyder’s mansion? Seriously, WTF is up with the sleepover interviews at the Danny’s? What other job in the world do you not only wear a suit to the interview but you also bring your pajamas? I’m not making this up…it’s well documented.

So this has to make one wonder…what goes on in that 24 hour period at Danny’s house? Luckily, I was a fly on the wall during the Shanahan interview and I’m here to report my findings. Here’s a timeline breakdown of what went down.

5pm-6pm The Interview

What interview? Shanahan was hired months ago. So…Dan, Shanny and the man Shanny HIRED…Bruce Allen, spend this time playing the hand slap game, paper/rock/scissors and Call of Duty.

6pm-7pm Dinner

The boys have worked up quite the hunger from all the games so Dan and Shanny dispatch Bruce to get some Johnnie Rockets burgers.

7pm-9pm Film Breakdown

It’s time to start evaluating talent, so Bruce, Dan and Shanny sit down to watch highlights of last years Golden Globes and Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year. Bruce and Shanny butt heads over the use of Ryan Seacrest, Bruce wants more while Shanny wants less. Dan tells Bruce that Shanny has final say…Seacrest OUT!

10pm-11pm Special Guests

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stop by for a visit. Bruce was a big fan of Dawson’s Creek, so Katie entertains him by acting out old scenes. Tom, Dan and Shanny retreat to the basement for some clay table processing. Kenny Loggins stops by just to sing “Highway to the Danger Zone” for effect.

12am-1am Racquetball

Needing a 4th for a mini round robin tournament, Dan calls “consultant” Vinny Cerrato over to play. So…Vinny walks over to the main house from his apartment over Dan’s garage. Before match play begins Vinny dispenses the one and only piece of valuable “consulting” information he has learned in 10 years on the job…let the boss win.

1am-2am Massage

After calling several classified adds in the City Paper Bruce finds a couple of nice medical students (a blonde and an Italian) to come over and give Dan and Shanny well deserved massages. Bruce advises them to ask for the full service.

2am-4am Bonding

Bruce and Vinny have retreated to the garage apartment and it’s time for the new BFF’s to bond. Shanny originally wanted to go to bed but Dan reminded him that Gibbs worked till 4am. Shanny was pissed so he tea-bagged Danny’s drum set…but the spat was over quickly and the 2 bonded by playing truth or dare, ran a sack race and built a pillow fort. Dan also helped Shanny set up his FaceBook profile. Another spat ended the night when Dan overruled Shanahan again…Dan always gets the top bunk.

4am-8am Sleep/Brainwashing

Shanahan tossed and turned with a case of the Johnny Rockets farts. Dan spent this time brainwashing Shanny into never reading page 14 of his contract (aka the Lavar page,) and always falling in love with every “sexy” pick the Danny likes. He also convinced Shanahan to think he has “total control” even though he never really will.

8am-9am Golf Cart Ride

Bright and early Dan took Shanny on a golf cart ride around the estate. Shanny tried to explain football terminology to Dan but spent 30 minutes going over “trips” and “traps.” Dan drove down to the river to say hello to Bruce and Vinny who were busy cutting down nuisance trees.

9am-11am Cartoons!

Another fight …over the remote control this time. Danny likes old school “Tom & Jerry” and “Thundercats,” while Shanny is more of a “Phineas and Ferb” guy.

11am-12pm Extreme Makeover

Dan’s stylist comes in to hook Shanny up for his big press conference. This process involves only one thing…which of these 1,000 burgundy and gold ties would you like to wear Mr. Shanahan?

12pm-2pm The New Digs

Helicopter ride over to Ashburn where Shanny settles into his new office. The office looks more like a prison wall from where Zorn has been counting down the days using hash marks. Jerry Gray had been “squatting” in the office for several days. While being removed he was heard muttering “they said they would get back to me.”

2pm Ladies & Gentlemen…You’re New Coach

Cheers and Hail

My Redskins Predictions = FAIL

Way back on September 7th, 2009 I wrote a post about my predictions for the upcoming Redskins season. Looking back I have to ask myself one question “what are you smoking?” I did make the comment that I shouldn’t post the predictions because I’m very superstitious and by posting them I’m probably going to screw them all up…I should have listened to myself. Here’s a look back at the disaster that was “Fatpickle’s Fearless Redskins Predictions.”

The Redskins will go 10-6 and make the playoffs. This will require a NFC East road win and a west coast road win to do so.

False- They got that west coast road win against the Raiders…unfortunately they didn’t win a NFC East road game…or a home one!

Brian Orakpo will be the NFL Defensive ROY.

False- However, he was an impact player and you could have made the argument that he should have won it.

Andre Woodson will be released from the practice squad by the end of week 4.

False- He made it until late November, but he was still released.

Jeff Garcia will be signed to the active roster.

False- This was a long shot, the Eagles did sign him for a couple weeks.

After a couple of big TD’s early in the season, Malcolm Kelly will get injured and miss the last 8-10 games.

False- he stayed healthy and still hasn’t scored a NFL touchdown.

Devin Thomas will have little impact in the passing game (maybe some on special teams.)

True- Overall he had little impact at WR and showed some promise on kick returns.

Marko Mitchell will catch 30+ balls.

False- I was high on Marko coming out of the pre-season, he didn’t see much action and caught 4 balls.

London Fletcher will make his first Pro Bowl.

False- He played well enough, but got the shaft again.

Carlos Rogers will match or exceed his career total of 5 INT’s this season. He will leave after the season via free agency.

False- The 2nd half could still hopefully come true, as I hope that it will…he caught ZERO interceptions.

Fred Davis will have 1 game this season where he goes off…he’ll then disappear and probably catch fewer passes than Yoder.

False- Fred Davis played well and went off a few times after Cooley went on IR. Props to Yoder for 3 TD’s.

Marcus Mason will see more and more playing time as the year goes on… and he’ll finish with over 250 yards rushing.

True and False- He did see more and more action but finished with only 127 yds rushing.

Clinton Portis will rush for 1000-1200 yards in his last season for the Redskins.

False- If Portis would have stayed healthy he would have found his way to 1,000+ and if my aunt had nuts she’d be my uncle. His return is up in the air.

Also the last season in a Redskin’s uniform for Smoot, Wynn, Griffin, Collins, Betts, Albright, Thomas and Randle El.

TBD- I would welcome back Griffin and Albright.

Zorn will survive this season and be back for 2010.

Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.

I will drink many beers, jump up and down, yell and scream, throw things and possibly shed tears this season (happy ones.)

True- But this was a given.

Cheers and Hail

TV Tuesday:Dennis Hopper Nike Commercials

Today’s TV Tuesday features some of the classic Dennis Hopper Nike commercials. The commercials ran back in the early to mid 90′s and featured Dennis as a crazed referee named Stanley who stalked NFL players. They were good then and they’re even more awesome now…enjoy.

Sterling Sharpe “choo-choo”

Bruce Smith “bad things”

Junior Seau “footprint”

Barry Sanders “I still see him in my sleep”

Hardy Nickerson “el-dragon”

Michael Irvin “I hear the footsteps”

Troy Aikman “e.s.p.”

95 Super Bowl (yes footsteps, football is the greatest)

NFL Playoffs “horse shoes & hand grenades”

Cheers and Hail

Jan 11-13: Happy Birthdays

Happy birthday Terence Morris. Terence played 4 seasons as a power forward for the Maryland Terrapins from 1997-2001. Terence wore #44 and appeared in 136 games averaging 12.7 ppg and 6.8rpg for his career. His best season came in 99-00’ when he averaged 15.8ppg & 8.6rpg. Terence ranks among the Terps top 10 all-time in points, rebounds, games and 3 pointers made. Terence played 3 seasons in the NBA before moving his game overseas where he still plays. Happy 31st Mr. Morris.

Happy birthday Chris Ray. Chris played 4 seasons as a relief pitcher for the Orioles from 2005-2009 (he missed all of 2008 due to Tommy John surgery.) Chris was a 3rd round draft choice out of the College of William and Mary and wore #37 (thirty-seven!) as an Oriole. His best season came in 2006 when he was 4-4 with 33 saves and a 2.73 ERA. Chris struggled in 2007 before blowing out his elbow and to this date has never been the same. He was traded this off-season for Kevin Millwood, a great trade for the Orioles. Happy 28th Mr. Ray.

Happy birthday Tim Hulett. Tim played 6 seasons with the Orioles from 1989-94. Tim was a utility infielder who wore #36 and appeared in 343 games with the Orioles. Tim was the 3rd overall pick in the 1980 draft. His best season came in 93’ when he batted .300-2-23. In retirement Tim has coached the Evangel Eagles high school baseball team to 2 state titles. Happy 30th Mr. Hulett.

Cheers and Hail

Music Monday: Elvis

In honor of what would have been his 75th birthday last week, today’s “Music Monday” features one of my favorite people of all-time…Elvis Presley. Long after his death, Elvis is still one of the coolest people on the planet.

For the clips I give you a couple outtakes of Elvis in his later years and one of my favorite Elvis songs…covered by Pete Yorn.

The greatest part of this clip is the thank you at the end:

“Buried in a beaver”

Suspicious Minds/Happy Bday from Yorn

Cheers and Hail

The Six Degrees Of Fatpickled

Six Degrees of Fatpickled is a weekly rundown of 6 items that I have enjoyed. Make sure you check them out.

Scouts love the Orioles as a “dark horse” team in 2010, me too! (Yahoo Sports)

Cheers and Hail