Archive for October, 2009

10/29-31 Happy Bdays

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Happy birthday Charlie Brown. “Downtown” Charlie played 3 seasons for the Redskins from 1982-84. His best season came in the 83’ campaign when he made the Pro Bowl after catching 78 balls for 1,225 yards and 8TD’s. Charlie also made the Pro Bowl in his rookie season of 82’. Charlie was traded to the Falcons before the 85’ season for R.C. Thielemann. Charlie retired after 3 seasons in Atlanta and most recently was a High School football coach in Savannah, GA. Happy 51st Mr. Brown.

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Happy birthday Jamie Asher. Jamie played 4 seasons for the Redskins from 95-98. He appeared in 48 games during that time. Jamie’s best season came in 96’ when he caught 42 balls for 481 yards and 4TD’s. In retirement Jamie became a finance advisor for Northwest Mutual. Happy 37th Mr. Asher.

chenier

Happy birthday Phil Chenier. Phil played 9 seasons for the Bullets from 1971-80. Phil averaged over 17 points per game during that time and made 3 All Star teams. Phil won a NBA title with the Bullets in 1979. In retirement, Phil has been calling Bullets/Wizards games since 1987. Happy 59th Mr. Chenier.

Happy birthday John Lucas. John was an All-American at the University of Maryland and played 2 seasons with the Bullets in 81-82. In addition to being a great basketball player, John was a World Team tennis player. John battled addiction problems during his career and now counsels athletes battling the same demons. John is also an assistant coach for the Clippers. Happy 56th Mr. Lucas.

luis

Happy birthday Luis Matos. Luis played 7 season for the Orioles from 2000-06’. He hit .256 during that time and stole 72 bases. His best season came in 2003 when he hit .303-13-45 and added 15 stolen bases. In recent years Luis has bounced around the minors and the Mexican League. Happy 31st Mr. Matos.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Friday, October 30, 2009

Categories: Happy Birthday!, Orioles, Redskins, Terps, Wizards

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FFFL

The FFFL Trophy!

The FFFL Trophy!

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated the Faptickled Fantasy Football League, which is brought to you by The Cooley Zone along with honorary commissioner Kenny Mayne. And…wow let me get you caught up!

We have 12 participants in the league, which consist of 10 guys and 2 chicks. Thru Week 7, both girls are in first place! The Tightest End and Romo’s New Jessica are sitting atop the two divisions!

The Tightest End has won 2 in a row to pull into a 3 way tie with The Staches and 15 Swinging Dicks…all teams are 4-3. Fanfuckingtastic, The New Kent Zornicators and Dead Man Walking are right behind at 3-4.

In the other division, Romo’s New Jessica is 6-1, and holds a two game lead over Orakpo’s Bandwagon and Skins N’ Beer. Muffin Head, Ninja’s Will Owl and King Of Vols are still in it and vying for a playoff spot.

The winner gets to sign Cooley’s cast…ooops I mean the winner gets a Chris Cooley signed jersey…are the guys really going to get their asses kicked by the girls???

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Thursday, October 29, 2009

Categories: Fatpickled

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Belated Birthdays

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Jim Palmer turned 64 on Oct. 15. Jim won 193 games and had 179 complete games during a 10 year period from 1969-78. 179 complete games in ten years! Are you kidding me? For his career Jim won 268 games and had a career ERA of 2.86 during his 23 season career with the O’s…and he worked the jockey shorts too!

Ken Dixon turned 49 on Oct 17. Ken pitched in 105 games for the Orioles over the 3 seasons from 1984-87, winning 26 games with 6 saves.

Alan Mills turned 43 on Oct 18. Alan pitched 9 seasons for the Orioles from 1992-01. Alan pitched in 346 games for the O’s…good for 9th all-time. Alan also instructed Fatpickle on pitching techniques back in 1988…true story.

Arthur Rhodes turned 40 on Oct 24. Arthur played parts of 9 seasons with the Orioles from 1991-1999. He was a 2nd round draft pick who won 43 games and saved 9 during his time in Baltimore.

Dave Johnson turned 50 on Oct. 24. Dave was part of the O’s 89’ “why not” team. He won 21 games over 3 seasons and works in TV doing O’s games.

Jason Johnson turned 36 on Oct 27. Jason played 5 seasons for the Orioles from 1999-2003. He won 34 and lost 53 games during his tenure. Ouch! Oh yeah, he was the #1 starter for most of that time. Ouch!

Bob Melvin turned 48 on Oct 28. Before becoming a MLB manager, Bob was a part time catcher for the O’s for 3 seasons. He hit .244 with 7HR’s and 92RBI’s during those years.

Jason Johnson turned 36 on Oct 27. Jason played 5 seasons for the Orioles from 1999-2003. He won 34 and lost 53 games during his tenure. Ouch! Oh yeah, he was the #1 starter for most of that time. Ouch!

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Manute Bol turned 47 on Oct. 16. Manute played 5 seasons with the Bullets and led the league with 5 blocks per game during the 1985-86 season. Manute was tall.

John “Hot Plate” Williams turned 43 on Oct 26. John played 5 seasons for the Bullets from 86-91 and played very well…before the buffet took a hold of him.

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Marcus Washington turned 32 on Oct 17. Marcus played 5 seasons with the Redskins and totaled 380 tackles and 19.5 sacks during his tenure. Marcus is also rumored to be Cletus…the Fox Sports NFL dancing robot.

Reggie Branch turned 47 on Oct 22. Reggie played 5 seasons for the Redskins as a special teams standout.

Rod Gardner turned 32 on Oct 26. Rod played all 64 games during his 4 year career in Washington. He caught 227 balls and had 23TD’s.

Keith Griffin turned 48 on Oct 26. Keith was a 10th round draft pick who lasted 5 seasons in Washington from 1984-88. He was a special teams standout and 3rd down back.

Antonio Pierce turned 31 on Oct 26. Antonio played 4 seasons in DC before signing with the Giants. I now despise him.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Thursday, October 29, 2009

Categories: Happy Birthday!, Orioles, Redskins, Wizards

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Giiiilbeeeert!

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Gilbert’s back and so am I! Gilbert returned after several operations and a couple lost seasons…I’m returning after a long weekend in VA and several cases of beer.

The Wizards beat the Mavericks in Dallas last night in impressive fashion to start the 2009-10 season. Gilbert looked like his old self, driving thru the lane and drawing contact. Pulling up for open jumpers…and a super fast first step that got him around defenders all night long. All that amounted to 29 points and 9 assists! After several failed comeback attempts over the last 2 years, it appears Arenas is finally healthy. Arenas initially wanted to rehab his knee at his own pace with his own regimen. His personal choice for rehabbing his knee included riding his bike to a football field where he ran 40 yard dashes with a parachute strapped to his bank…weeks after one of his surgeries. Later he would bash the organization for them allowing Gilbert to push himself too fast…I guess they should have hired him a babysitter. But, that appears to be in the past and I’m glad to see my favorite NBA player healthy and back on the court.

And although it’s only the first game and maybe I’m just looking for something to be optimistic about with my Redskins playing so poorly…I think the Wizards can be a top 4 or 5 team in the East. Flip Saunders unveiled his rotation last night and it varied quite a bit from what we have seen in the past. Nick Young got a DNP-Coach’s Decision last night after playing in all 82 games last year and averaging over 22 minutes. Mike James also received a DNP and Javale McGee played less than a minute. Their replacements (Oberto, Miller & Foye) were 12-20 from the floor and 3-6 from 3 point land. Deshawn Stevenson played only 17 minutes (that’s a good thing) specifically in a defensive role…perfect. And if Andray Blanche is anything close to what he was last night (20pts 7rebs) that will be a tremendous boost for the Wizards.

Again, way too early to get overly excited but the Mavericks were 32-9 at home last year…that was an impressive win and performance for Gilbert and the Wizards last night. Let’s hope there’s more to come…

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Categories: NBA, Wizards

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NFL: Week 7 Thoughts

I'd like to order another timeout please

Can I order another timeout please?

NFC EAST

NYG       Did the Giants have an off day…or are the Saints that good?       

PHI         McRibb went to the Chris Webber School of Timeouts.

DAL        Jerry Jones announced that Wade Phillips will be the head coach until Jon Gruden takes over.

WAS      You don’t think the Danny is going to try to get some face time with Gruden Monday night, do you?

NFC NORTH

MIN       The Vikes are averaging 31 ppg and haven’t scored less than 27.               

GB          Rodgers is on pace to be sacked 80 times yet has a 104.1 QB rating…that’s impressive!

CHI         With Cutler & Rodgers this division is going to be exciting for many years to come.

DET        The Lions give up 35 ppg, except to the Redskins of course.

NFC SOUTH

NO         The Giants once stripped Sean Payton of his play calling duties, I wonder what they think of them now?

ATL         This team now appears to be hitting its stride.

TB           Blowing out Allen/Gruden doesn’t look so good now does it Glazer family?

CAR        The Panthers offensive game plan should be to keep the ball out of Delhomme’s hands.

NFC WEST

SF           After a 35 point loss, I bet Singletary made the bye week miserable for the 49ers.

SEA        A bye week here to see if the Seahawks can get healthy and make a run.            

ARI         Warner got to 30K passing yards in 115 games; I’m more amazed that the old man has only played in 115 games.

STL         The Rams lose by an average of 23 ppg, except to the Redskins of course.

AFC EAST

NYJ         Sanchez has 10 INT’s and a 56 QB rating…makes sense that Vinny was smitten.

NE          If I’m losing by 45 points and the teams still throwing all over the place, somebody is going to get their leg broke.

BUF        Dick Jauron + Ryan Fitzpatick = not a good recipe for success.

MIA       Anxious to see if Henne is going to be an NFL caliber QB.

AFC NORTH

BAL        Lost 3 in a row since I anointed them the best in the AFC

CIN         OchoCinco wrote a bad check to a hooker, what hookers take credit?

PIT          Jeff Reed is the biggest douche in the history of sports, that’s a proud franchise, get a new kicker!

CLE         Is Zorn calling the plays in Cleveland also?            

AFC SOUTH

IND        Note to self…check the waiver wire for Austin Collie.     

JAC         This team will take a Redskin-esque schedule and turn it into 7-9.

HOU      If past serves me correct, next up for this team…a Schuab high ankle sprain.

TEN        How does 0-6 get worse? You make Vince Young your starting QB.

AFC WEST

DEN       Josh McDaniels is listed at 5’10”? Now way, Michelle Tafoya towers over him!

SD           In his 12th season as a head coach (how, why?) Norv now has a career record of 79-98-1.

OAK       Thank you for last week Oakland, that was nice!

KC           The Chiefs allow 28 ppg, except to the Redskins of course.

Cheers and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Categories: NFL

Tags: ,

The Urban Dictionary For NFL Coaches

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If it’s on the Internet it must be true, right? Sometimes I enjoy searching the Urban Dictionary for fun definitions, a Cincinatti Traffic Jam is still one of my favorites. So I decided to search the UD for the definitions of all 32 NFL head coaches. The results of what I found are below, you have the definitions, along with the proper use of each coaches name in a sentence. Feel free to incorporate the lingo in your day to day vocabulary. I mean, I spend every Sunday trying to not end up Sean Paytoning myself!

Tom Coughlan – a code word for a girl’s period.

My girls been giving me a ration of s*&# all day, she must be on her Tom Couglan.

Andy Reid – Fat, overweight, or obese

Rick’s dropped 30 pounds and he’s still Andy Reid.

Wade Phillips – slang term for marijuana meaning “weed”.

They say 70% of the NBA tests positive for Wade Phillips.

Jim Zorn – A slang term used to discreetly refer to a man’s erection.

I’ve got to sit here at my desk for a minute or two, I had a Jim Zorn pop up on me.

Brad Childress – One that is in sync with his/her “bitches and hoes”

I’ve totally got my Brad Childress working with Halle Berry & Jennifer Anniston.

Lovie Smith – A person who does not leave and does not understand the word no.

Megan Fox has told Fatpickle to get lost a thousand times, but he’s still Lovie Smithing her.

Mike McCarthy – to fail, screw up or mess up

I can’t believe we found a way to Mike McCarthy this game up.

Jim Schwartz – Anyone who has the knack for working on any project and making it turn out like crap.

Did you see the proposal Rich did for the meeting? He totally Jim Schwartz’d it.

Sean Payton – excess alcohol consumption, resulting in shitting of the pants.

Had to throw away my boxers last night, that last lemon drop made me Sean Payton.

Mike Smith – Loser with a hairy ass and nice titties and a small penis.

Rush Limbaugh is Mike Smith.

John Fox – a person who uses the services of a prostitute

I’m going to log onto to Craig’s list and see if I can get my John Fox on.

Raheem Morris – To simultaneously sneeze and s*&#.

Ahh, ahh, ahh, chooo. Oh no! I Raheem Morris’d!

Mike Singletary – To take a s*&# on somebody’s forehead and wake them up quickly.

Common Johnny wake up! The fish are biting! If you’re not up in 5 minutes I’m going to Mike Singletary you.

Ken Whisenhunt – Barbie’s plastic bitch.

Derek can’t do anything anymore; his girl treats him like Ken Whisenhunt.

Jim Mora – To take a talented and winning core of players and coach them into a miserable season.

Who does this Norv Turner think he is…Jim Mora?

Steve Spagnolo – A visible thong on a woman above her jeans/shorts

Look at that smoking hot girl right there, I see a red Steve Spagnolo peeking out.

Rex Ryan – A man with an 11 incher who picks up a lot of milfs at the library.

Eric tapped another hot milf last night, the guys becoming a regular Rex Ryan!

Bill Belichick – Cheater, Fraud, Led the New England Patriots to 3 Tainted Super Bowl Championships.

Mr. Snyder I’ve found the answer to turn things around, the answer is cheating…and we need Bill Belichick as an “extra set of eyes.”

Tony Sparano – a great man, a horny bastard though

I hope on my tombstone it reads “here lays Tony Sparano”

Dick Jauron – An adjective to describe a guy who is a jerk or does mean and stupid things.

Dan Snyder has run this franchise into the ground by being a total Dick Jauron.

Marvin Lewis – The act of dick slapping or hitting a woman with your penis.

Do you think Obama’s gives the first lady a Marvin Lewis?

John Harbaugh – Randomly adding people on facebook that you have never met in real life, especially girls that write on your friend’s walls.

I don’t know who this freak is trying to be friend me on Facebook, do you know John Harbaugh?

Mike Tomlin – To do a Tomlin involves the individual concerned struggling with his or her latent longing for sex with their own gender to such an extent that a mental breakdown occurs.

Do you recall 2 seasons ago when T.O. had that Mike Tomlin?

Eric Mangini – a camel toe

Look at the hot chick in the spandex…can you say Eric Mangini?

Jim Caldwell – to describe yourself or someone with a large penis.

Looks like that Visanthe Shiancoe is smuggling a Jim Caldwell.

Jack Del Rio – To masturbate

I don’t know about you, but I can’t function on my day off till I Jack Del Rio.

Gary Kubiak – An a-hole.

You know Rick from accounting is a total Gary Kubiak.

Jeff Fisher – The art of burping and farting at the same time.

I love the chili from Ben’s Chili Bowl, but it always gives me the Jeff Fishers.

Josh Mcdaniels – Getting a hand job.

Well..honey, can I at least get a Josh McDaniels?

Norv Turner – Used to describe the pinnacle of dysfunctional head coaching abilities conversationally

Dan Snyder hired Zorn because he thought he was the next Norv Turner.

Tom Cable – To take a shit

Call the plumber, I just laid a Tom Cable that won’t go down.

Todd Haley – The wet spot in a bed.

Let’s do it over here, I don’t want to sleep on the Todd Haley all night.

Cheer and Hail

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Posted by fatpickle    Date: Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Categories: NFL

Tags: , ,

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