NFL: Week 2 In Review-AFC
Part 2 review of the NFL teams heading into week 3. Porkboy and I tackle the AFC
AFC EAST
NYJ
FP: Someday Jets fans will look back at this 2-0 start and think…WTF happened?
PB: A new tough head coach, I’d like to see him fight Tom Cable…his daddy taught him how to punch! USC QB’s have had a lot of success in the NFL right? No?
NE
FP: It’s over Johnny, it’s over.
PB: Hmmm this game is a lot tougher when you don’t have the other team’s signs and know what defense the other team is in and when they are blitzing!
BUF
FP: Fantasy world, meet Fred Jackson.
PB: So you fire the O-coordinator a week before the season because he was passing too much out of the no huddle offense? What did you think…he was going to run a draw play 20 times? Oh o, popcorn boy is not happy.
MIA
FP: I’d really like to BBQ some day with Tony Sparano, I bet he knows how to grill a sausage.
PB: Parcells always has a big turnaround in his first season, and then they play below .500 in the next. If the Jets didn’t give them Pennington they wouldn’t have won 5 games last year.
AFC NORTH
BAL
FP: Best team in the NFL right now? Cam Cameron = great O coordinator/sucky HC.
PB: To say that Ozzie Newsome doesn’t get enough credit, is to say that Baltimore doesn’t have a lot of white trash…stop wearing that purple camo to work people!
PIT
FP: If Pauly Shore, I mean Jeff Reed gets cut, my only hope is he never ends up in DC, is he the biggest tool in the NFL?
PB: The fact that Dennis Green passed on Big Ben in the draft when he was in Arizona should be celebrated every year in Pittsburgh with a parade in Green’s honor. No wonder your doing beer adds, jackass!
CIN
FP: This team should be 2-0 right now, and if my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle.
PB: Wow, you brought Roy Williams to shore up that defense, Roy don’t let anybody get behind you in the last minute of a game,…Roy?…Roy? What is Stokely doing in the end zone?
CLE
FP: What happened to my fantasy sleeper pick James Davis? Is he sleeping?
PB: How did this team get worse? Oh, is it Mangini? Has anybody noticed that any coach coming from the Belichick coaching tree sucks when they aren’t cheating?
AFC SOUTH
IND
FP: I love to see a white guy with #44 sprinting down the field…#47 works to!
PB: Peyton has now figured out how to do commercials and play a game at the same time. Did you see him and Tiger? That’s the next Nike or Gatorade commercial.
HOU
FP: The 22 Swinging Dicks are reporting Steve Slaton as MIA.
PB: They will go as far as a healthy Matt Schaub will take them, so about 7-9.
JAC
FP: The Del Rio/Garrard years are similar to the Turner/Frerotte years.
PB: What happens to WR’s who go to this town? Waffle houses must be bad for a pro athlete’s diet…who’s the TE playing QB?
TEN
FP: This team actually faces a must win in week 3, I’d give it to Johnson 30 times.
PB: They now have a wide open offense, just in time for the defense to fall apart. Vince Young will get another chance this year…not at suicide, I’m talking about QB.
AFC WEST
DEN
FP: Ugliest 2-0 team out there, what’s going on with the offense?
PB: Congrats to the new Ohio State Champions…who’s next Akron? Kent St?
SD
FP: Norv Turner, then man can be defined in numbers, 8-8.
PB: The Charger must look around their division and laugh, “he punched who?” They traded who?” The paid how much for the backup QB who couldn’t start at USC?”
OAK
FP: Do the fans still paint themselves and dress up for this team?
PB: What’s it like to work there? The guy from the creep show runs meetings with an overhead projector from 1976…it would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Jamarcus loves the drive thru!
KC
FP: I once took a dump on a canoe trip that was so awesome it had a name…this team reminds me of that dump.
PB: There leading receiver last week was a guy they signed off the street? How’s that Matt Cassel thing working out for you?
Cheers and Hail
Happy Redskin & Oriole Bdays
Happy birthday Casey Rabach. Casey is in his 5th season as the starting center for the Redskins. He was the main target of our 2005 free agent class as Joe Gibbs was on the telephone recruiting him at 12:01AM on 3/1/05 (the earliest possible time to contact free agents.) Since that time Casey has been a rock on the O-line, starting 65 out of a possible 66 games. He’s earned the respect and admiration of his fellow lineman and teammates for his gritty play on the field. Casey has helped the Redskins running attack and the Skins have had a 1,000+ yard rusher every season during his tenure. Casey is a free agent after this season, I’m curious to see if the Skins bring him back (I hope they do.) Happy 32nd Mr. Rabach.
Happy birthday Joe Washington. “Little Joe” played 4 seasons in DC from 1981-1984. Despite appearing in just 43 games as a Redskin, Joe was voted to the 70 Greatest Redskins team. He was an exciting running back in the mold of Priest Holmes or Marshall Faulk. Normally a 3rd down and change of pace back to Riggins, Joe did see playing time as the featured back in 81’. That season he rushed for 916 yards and caught 70 balls for 558 yards. Joe led the NFL in receptions in 1979 with 82. Joe starred for Oklahoma in college, was a finalist for the Heisman twice and is a member of the College Football HOF. Joe retired after the 85’ season and did some local TV work in the Washington area. Check out his old helmet here. Happy 56th Mr. Washington.
Happy birthday Kevin Millar. Kevin played 3 seasons for the O’s from 2006-2008. A gritty and hardnosed player, Kevin played OF, 1B and DH for the O’s. He hit .252 with 52 HR’s and 199 RBI’s during his Oriole tenure. He is a great teammate who bonded well with the Orioles players and helped reintroduce “Orioles Magic” back to Camden Yards. Still beloved in Boston, he threw out the first pitch of game 7 of the ALCS, an odd scene…considering he was a member of the Orioles at the time. Kevin currently plays for the Toronto Blue Jays. Happy 38th Mr. Millar.
Happy birthday Rafael Palmeiro. Oh Rafael where have you gone? Rafael played 7 seasons for the O’s hitting 223HR’s and driving in 701 (averaging 30-100 a season.) He had one of the sweetest swings I’ve ever seen as well as a great glove at 1B. He is one of only four players (Aaron, Mays & Murray) to total at least 3,000 hits and 500 home runs. We all know it ended badly for Rafael, I hope one day it all blows over and he can get some of the admiration he deserves. Maybe as a member of the HOF wearing an O’s cap? Happy 45th Mr. Palmeiro.
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Thursday, September 24, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, Happy Birthday!, Orioles, Redskins
Tags: Casey Rabach, Joe Washington, Kevin Millar, Rafael Palmeiro
NFL: Week 2 In Review-NFC
Remember when Joe Gibb’s came back to the Redskins and the first thing he did was recruit Greg Williams to be his D-coordinator? Well, when I started this blog the first thing I did was recruit Porkboy to write for me. Nearly a year later, I’ve gotten 2 posts from him. He’s back to join me for our Week 2 NFL review…see what you’ve been missing from his warped (and awesome) sense of humor. (AFC drops later today)
NFC EAST
NYG
FP: I’m still waiting for the alien that took over Eli Manning’s body 2 years ago to go back to it’s homeland…what happened to 2 picks and a fumble?
PB: Why does Eli always have that look? You know the confused dog look? Like when your dog walks in on you while your spanking the monkey!
PHI
FP: I read where the Eagles don’t know who their 2nd string QB is…Garcia or Vick…isn’t their #2 Kolb?
PB: I’ve never seen such a buzz about a 3rd string QB (Vick), the Eagles trophy case is as empty as Al Capone’s Vault!!
DAL
FP: Wade Phillips shows an amazing amount of emotion on FG kicks.
PB: The true signs of a Wade Phillips team: lead the league in turn overs, penalties and times you lose a game scoring 30+ points. Was that Mike Holmgen in the owner’s box?
WAS
FP: Zorn hasn’t even begun to break into his bag of trickery, wait till he breaks out the Fred Davis reverse play again!
PB: You know your slipping when the Lions are happy your coming to town…Mike Shanahan please pick up the white phone!
NFC NORTH
MIN
FP: 2-0 on the road to start the season, a good thing since Favre’s record in dome stadiums ssssucks!
PB: With this team only a really bad screw up in a playoff game will ruin their Super Bowl chances…oh wait who’s that #4 in purple?
GB
FP: My team of destiny has a hiccup last week, they will score more than 9 points in the first quarter vs. the Rams.
PB: I love this team and their potential…just as long as they don’t lose home games to teams like the Bengals?!
CHI
FP: Jay Cutler is developing a Bubby Brister vibe to me.
PB: Cutler will create a power shift in this division, unless his best receiver is a defensive back. Oh well, maybe they can just grab a guy he went to school with and make a star out of him.
DET
FP: The Lions haven’t won since 2007, just make sure Moss is in on punt returns this week.
PB: New audible that Matthew Stafford learned this week when Calvin Johnson is covered by DeAngelo Hall – YIIPPEEEEEEEEEEE!
NFC SOUTH
ATL
FP: So, I didn’t factor in the Tony Gonzales effect when drafting Roddy White so high this season.
PB: Proof that Parcells is a genious, he passed on Matt Ryan for a big ten tackle? I’m not saying Ryan and Gonzales are getting close, but they share a snuggy on road trips.
NO
FP: Bush has 17 carries for 47 yards so far, and as many negative carries as positive ones. Dare I say that I could do just as good?
PB: Brees says the first one to 45 wins…with that defense the offense has to hustle.
TB
FP: This team is like a seasoned porno star, there’s a lot of playing from behind.
PB: They lost all those games down the stetch last season because of the defense, so they hire the youngest defensive coach to be the head coach…how’s that working out for you?
CAR
FP: The sad part is Carolina has no “era” to look forward to. It’s either the Matt Moore or A.J. Feeley era.
PB: With great RB’s and a decent defense, all Jake has to do is not turn it over more than 3 times…can he do that? I don’t think so.
NFC WEST
SF
FP: Ex-Terp Shaun Hill is 9-3 as a starter; nothing flashy…just gets the j-o-b done, like a doctor.
PB: Gore making Singletary look like a good coach, what, are you surprised a team that charges their players for Gatorade and fan mail didn’t sign their first round pick?
SEA
FP: Hasselbeck may play despite a broken rib, this happens when your backup is Seneca Wallace.
PB: They say its Hasselbecks ribs, I say it’s his back again, backs never get better…and neither does Jim Mora!
ARI
FP: Well, maybe Warner now looks like the 08 version instead of the 04 version.
PB: The Cards are out to prove that they are as good as last year, 9-7!
STL
FP: I’m thinking that Marc Bulger is not going to last much longer behind that O-line.
PB: If they would have done…or if they just…oh hell this team will be lucky to be 4-12.
Cheers and Hail
Beat This Caption
While reading the @redskinsblog last Friday I was surprised to find the above picture of Chris Cooley. I mean how awesome is it that he’s wearing a Fatpickled shirt…and as an added bonus he’s holding a monkey? You can’t even begin to dream this up. This has so many marketing ideas, I don’t even know where to begin. So, I’m going to open it up to you guys. Give me your best caption in the comments, and the winner will receive a free Fatpickled tee. I have them available in both mens and ladies so everyone is welcome to give it a try. “Do you want to touch my monkey,” is an obvious choice so that one is excluded and you can’t use my choice:
“This monkey is probably going to shit on me, hand me that Fatpickled shirt that’s laying in the bottom of my locker.”
I’ll contact the winner within 7 days to arrange delivery of your shirt.
Cheers and Hail
2 Boo Or Not 2 Boo…That Is The ?
Things got a little ugly in the Redskins game Sunday…and I’m not referring to the play on the field. The Redskins were booed off the field at halftime, and to my amazement booed off the field at the end of the game. The internet message boards, blogs and Twitter pages are on fire with everyone’s two cents on the issue…it’s like that old saying “opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one…and they all stink.” So here’s my stinky ass opinion.
First off, do you have the right as a fan to boo the Redskins at FedEx? Your damn straight you do. It’s your right as an American. And I don’t care if you’re in the 500 level and you work at McDonalds, or you have club seats and you make 6 figures. You paid for your ticket, if you want to boo the team go right ahead and do it.
Do I think it’s right to boo the Redskins at FedEx…hell no! I think you’re a complete ass to do so. If you’re a fan then you should be there to support your team, not to drag them down. I think it’s a disgrace that our fans did that to the Skins…they won the freakin game (I know it was an ugly and painful win.) Does anyone remember that the Ravens won a Super Bowl not too long ago winning ugly every week? A win is a win. The Redskins already have an opponent on the field, they don’t need another in the stands.
It’s my personal opinion that the Redskin’s fan support has been in a steady decline for years now. Who’s to blame? I’m not sure, but I don’t want to hear it’s the owner or ticket brokers, that’s a crock of shit. We have empty seats at FedEx and fans are routinely late to their seats at the start of the games and after halftime. We let fans from New York, Philly and Pittsburgh take over our house! We are now (allegedly) throwing and spitting on our players…are you f’ing kidding me? If you are that disgruntled and have season tickets sell them to a true fan.
I know frustration plays a part in this and I’m as frustrated as anybody. The play calling is suspect and we haven’t beaten anyone handily since I can remember. But, the players are playing hard and I see good things happening on the field…like the Skins winning! I would ask you this question, would you want someone coming into your office tomorrow and constantly telling you how much you suck at your job? Do you want Haynesworth hovering over your desk and giving you a ration of shit because you were late delivering a report? No…we have bosses to do that, and so do the players, they have coaches. And the coaches have someone that tells them they aren’t doing their job; it’s the GM and the owner.
So if your sitting in FedEx field in 2 weeks when the Redskins are playing the Bucs and you feel compelled to boo, just look down at the shirt your wearing. It’s probably burgundy and gold and has a number 47, 28, 81, 21 or 92 on it. You bought it because you’re a fan! I close each and every blog I write with the words “Cheers and Hail.” Redskins fans…spread the word.
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Sunday, September 20, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, Redskins
Tags: NFL, washington redskins
Week 2: Pickin On The NFL
Last week I was pretty solid with my picks, going 13-3 straight up and 8-7-1 against the spread. My lock of the week (Dallas) and underdog of the week (SF) both won and covered. There are some tuff games on the schedule this week so I’m not expecting those kinds of #’s again. Without further ado…my week 2 picks:
CAR @ ATL -6 Things do not get any better for Delhomme or the Panthers this week. ATL 23 CAR 13
CIN @ GB -9 I heart GB, tough game for Bengals after that horrible loss. GB 24 CIN 14
OAK @ KC -3 Am I really picking the Raiders to win on the road at Arrowhead? OAK 17 KC 16
NO -2.5 @ PHI I would start Garcia if I were Reid. NO 26 PHI 24
STL @ WAS -10 The Skins first double digit win in 4ever. WAS 27 STL 10
SEA @ SF -1 The 49ers get a big win here on their way to winning the division. SF 20 SEA 17
CLE @ DEN -3 Anxious to see how Marshall does this week. DEN 21 CLE 16
NYG @ DAL -3 The over/under on the scoreboard getting hit is 2.5. DAL 27 NYG 24
MIN-10 @ DET This is your survivor lock of the week. MIN 31 DET 7
ARI @ JAC -3 This is your underdog game of the week. ARI 20 JAC 16
NE-4 @ NYJ OK, I don’t like the rookie QB in this matchup. NE 23 NYJ 13
HOU @ TEN -7 Titans get in the win column and Kubiak’s seat gets hotter. TEN 24 HOU 21
TB @ BUF -4.5 Anyone want to bet T.O. gets a lot of looks in this game? BUF 24 TB 10
PIT -3 @ CHI Bears fans will not be feeling any better about their QB this week. PIT 20 CHI 13
BAL-3 @ SD Big win on the road for the Ravens. BAL 24 SD 17
IND-3 @ MIA The Colts last rodeo comes this year. IND 24 MIA 16
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Sunday, September 20, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: NFL, picks of the week
