The Crybaby Club
I’m not only a member, I’m also the President.
For every great story in sports, for every great athlete we view as a role model, we have a Terrel Owens. This past week Anquan Boldin and Julius Peppers joined TO in the “crybaby” club. A look back at their summers eve moments.
“Who cares about the Super Bowl? I got 4 looks all game? Hell No!
There may be no I in team, but there sure is one in Boldin. This guy probably out did TO as the most ME FIRST player in the history of football! He’s going to bitch about playing time and touches while his team is driving for the winning TD in the NFC Championship game? And after winning he’s going to go crying in the locker room instead of celebrating with his teammates? Come on man, it was admirable returning from a broken face, but someone should re-break it. You want answers? Here’s an answer for you. If I’m the coach of the Cardinals, your ass is benched for the Super Bowl.
Wow…well before that happened we had Julius Peppers grandstanding for himself. Evidently Peppers speaks a different language than us, one known as bullshit.
Please allow me to translate this Julius Peppers article.
“The front office has been informed of my desire to explore opportunities with other NFL teams following the expiration of my contract next month,”
Translation: Carolina can F off with that low ball offer that is on the table.
I’ll spread my legs for the highest bidder. Carolina can kiss my taint after 3 hours of practice!
“At this point in my NFL career, I am seeking new challenges that will allow me to grow, develop and reach my personal potential on the football field.
Translation: If my stats don’t look good enough it’s not my fault. The Carolina defense is the problem. I’m getting old and this is my last chance to score big money!
“I strongly feel that making a move at this time is in my best interest. I appreciate the entire Panthers organization and I am thankful for the seven seasons I’ve spent with the team.”
Translation: I will come back to Carolina in a heartbeat, all they need to do is “show me the money.”
“Julius is firm in his decision that he needs a change,” Carey said. “He feels that he can thrive in another system. While he has been selected to four Pro Bowls and designated as an All-Pro during his career, he feels that he has yet to develop to his full potential. This is the case of a great player who seeks to become an elite one.”
Translation: Julius is a bad mofo, who wants to be the highest paid DE ever. No one knows who I am, I’m his agent, Carl Carey. I came up with this quote after referencing Julius’s football-reference page. I’m gonna score him a huge contract and maybe pick up some of Drew Rosenhaus’s crumbs.
“Obviously, Carl’s comments are disappointing,” Hurney said. “We have consistently reiterated to Carl in a number of ways how much we value Julius and we plan to continue having ongoing communications.”
Translation: We are not going to franchise him @ 17 million this year. You know what we are willing to pay. Go ahead and shop him around and come back to us with at least a 1rst and 3rd round trade offer. Oh yeah, kiss my taint after sitting on my ass for 10 hours on draft day!
My question to you Skin’s fans is this. Would you like to see Peppers in a Redskin’s jersey? He has had some awesome seasons, and when his game is on he’s one of the best. But, he also posted a 2.5 sack season in 2007. So, would you trade a 1rst and 3rd for him?
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: crybaby, Greatest Movies, NFL, owens
The Crybaby Club
I’m not only a member, I’m also the President.For every great story in sports, for every great athlete we view as a role model, we have a Terrel Owens. This past week Anquan Boldin and Julius Peppers joined TO in the “crybaby” club. A look back at their summers eve moments.
“Who cares about the Super Bowl? I got 4 looks all game? Hell No!
There may be no I in team, but there sure is one in Boldin. This guy probably out did TO as the most ME FIRST player in the history of football! He’s going to bitch about playing time and touches while his team is driving for the winning TD in the NFC Championship game? And after winning he’s going to go crying in the locker room instead of celebrating with his teammates? Come on man, it was admirable returning from a broken face, but someone should re-break it. You want answers? Here’s an answer for you. If I’m the coach of the Cardinals, your ass is benched for the Super Bowl.
Wow…well before that happened we had Julius Peppers grandstanding for himself. Evidently Peppers speaks a different language than us, one known as bullshit.
Please allow me to translate this Julius Peppers article.
“The front office has been informed of my desire to explore opportunities with other NFL teams following the expiration of my contract next month,”
Translation: Carolina can F off with that low ball offer that is on the table.
I’ll spread my legs for the highest bidder. Carolina can kiss my taint after 3 hours of practice!
“At this point in my NFL career, I am seeking new challenges that will allow me to grow, develop and reach my personal potential on the football field.
Translation: If my stats don’t look good enough it’s not my fault. The Carolina defense is the problem. I’m getting old and this is my last chance to score big money!
“I strongly feel that making a move at this time is in my best interest. I appreciate the entire Panthers organization and I am thankful for the seven seasons I’ve spent with the team.”
Translation: I will come back to Carolina in a heartbeat, all they need to do is “show me the money.”
“Julius is firm in his decision that he needs a change,” Carey said. “He feels that he can thrive in another system. While he has been selected to four Pro Bowls and designated as an All-Pro during his career, he feels that he has yet to develop to his full potential. This is the case of a great player who seeks to become an elite one.”
Translation: Julius is a bad mofo, who wants to be the highest paid DE ever. No one knows who I am, I’m his agent, Carl Carey. I came up with this quote after referencing Julius’s football-reference page. I’m gonna score him a huge contract and maybe pick up some of Drew Rosenhaus’s crumbs.
“Obviously, Carl’s comments are disappointing,” Hurney said. “We have consistently reiterated to Carl in a number of ways how much we value Julius and we plan to continue having ongoing communications.”
Translation: We are not going to franchise him @ 17 million this year. You know what we are willing to pay. Go ahead and shop him around and come back to us with at least a 1rst and 3rd round trade offer. Oh yeah, kiss my taint after sitting on my ass for 10 hours on draft day!
My question to you Skin’s fans is this. Would you like to see Peppers in a Redskin’s jersey? He has had some awesome seasons, and when his game is on he’s one of the best. But, he also posted a 2.5 sack season in 2007. So, would you trade a 1rst and 3rd for him?
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: crybaby, Greatest Movies, NFL, owens
The O’s Are Turning Japanese
How about Felix Pie?
The Orioles have been very active this week, signing a free agent, making several trades and locking up Markakis long term (a great move for the fans and the organization.) Let’s take a closer look at the new Orioles.
Koji Uehara - P - The first Japanese player signed by the Orioles, 10 years after signing Asian players became popular. On the surface it appears this signing may be 10 years to late. Uehara will turn 34 before the season starts and he was 6-5 with a 3.81 ERA last season. Oh, he was also demoted to the minors for a period of time last season. The O’s are thinking he will fit in nicely as the #2 starter!
Felix Pie - LF - A little intrigued here. He was the #1 prospect in the Cub’s minor league system for the 06-07 seasons. But so far, he has bombed in the majors. He’ll get the chance to play every day in LF, he’s out of minor league options.
David Pauley - P - Career MLB stats, 0-3 9.53 ERA. Will be a candidate for the 5th spot in the rotation. (uhhhh,ok)
So, there’s not a whole lot here to get excited about. But, somehow I am. I’m a Steve Trachsel signing away from renewing by Extra Innings package! Bring on those 70 wins, I’m in!
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Monday, January 19, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, Orioles
Tags: beavis, Greatest Movies, MLB, O's
Super Bowl Picks
Here’s my breakdown on the Division Championship games today. My picks are not so much who I think is going to win, it’s whom I’m rooting for. I mean, who really wants to see an all Pennsylvania Super Bowl? I’d rather watch a marathon of “Real Housewives” with my wife for 6 hours. Besides the hate factor I have for a couple of these teams, I usually like to pull for the underdog, so things are set up quite nicely today.
Eagles (-3.5) @ Cardinals
There are so many thing I hate about the Eagles, I could spend an entire post on that subject. I want them to lose and Mcnabb to get benched, that would be cool. They have done a nice job pulling themselves together after that Ravens game, losing only to the Redskins. If the week after the Ravens game wasn’t a Thursday night game, the Kolb era may have began in Philly. Weird how things work out sometimes.
There are so many things to like about the Cardinals. Kurt Warner was thrown to the scrap pile several years ago. Now he’s playing like an MVP again, on the wrong side of 30. He didn’t get a new contract before the season, so he now has the chance to ride off into the sunset a Super Bowl winner again, or get a big fat payday from someone. Anquan Bolding didn’t get a new contract as well. All he’s done is have an All-Pro type of year while playing thru a torn hamstring, sore knee, AND BROKEN FACE! I think it may be time for the Cards to re-consider his deal. You also have Russ Grimm coaching the Offensive line. He could be headed to the Super Bowl, elected into the Hall, and hired as a head coach all in one week! You also have Edgerrin James, benched for a young rookie for several games. The Cards basically said he was done, but he’s come back and played extremely well in becoming an integral part of the Cards offense.
And, how much fun would Matt Leinert have here in Tampa? With all our local universities and strip clubs, it will be like an adult Chuck E Cheese for him!
Ravens @ Steelers (-6)
I have to pull for Crabtown, Charm City, my 3rd hometown. There Defense has been unreal, especially for a Defense that’s pretty old. They got a rookie Head Coach paired with a rookie Quarterback, that combination has never made it to the Super Bowl. And they have that boxer from Notre Dame returning kicks, he’s awesome! The only thing that scares me is Ray Lewis’s posse rolling into Tampa.
As far as the Steelers go, I can’t stand em. Hines Ward does throw some awesome blocks, but half the time it’s illegal, or the defensive player is defenseless. He then gets that smile on his face that I wish someone would knock off. Their coach acts like Martin Lawrence on the sideline. I want to run a #2 thru Troy Polamalu’s hair. On top of all this, I do not want to see a bunch of Steelers flags and terrible towels everywhere I look down here in Tampa. I’ve had enough of that for one year.
Go Cards and Ravens!
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Sunday, January 18, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: NFL, picks of the week, super bowl
Super Bowl Coaches R Us
With the firing of Jon Gruden today and the retirement of Tony Dungy this week, there are now 16 living coaches with Super Bowl rings.
Welcome to my new EBay Store, Super Bowl Coaches R Us. Come on in, we are overstocked. Please check out our many departments, as we have many selections to fit your needs. You may choose from the vintage, bargain bin, and new arrival sections.
Bargain Bin
Barry Switzer - Buy Him Now $1.99 - I’ll throw in free shipping on this model. I’m sure he’d love to coach again but I’m not sure there would be any takers on a booze swigging coach who
specializes in the the option.
George Seifert - Buy Him Now $99.99 - He may suck as a coach, but if you purchase George, I promise he will sing the Bossanova any time you want… The dance of love.
Vintage
Joe Gibbs - Out Of Stock - We tried re-releasing this model a few years back, after mixed results we put the mold back in the vault. There is a spin off model available at our NASCAR shop.
Mike Ditka - Out Of Stock - I’d love to be able to offer up Iron Mike, but it’s amazing how trading away your entire draft for Ricky Williams takes away your credibility. Or maybe it was this?
John Madden - Out Of Stock - He makes millions announcing, millions doing commercials, and mega millions on video games. That makes him the smartest coach ever. He could probably buy the NFL or EBay.
Don Shula - Out Of Stock - He’s the winningest coach ever and he makes a mean steak sandwich.
We have a better chance of seeing him in another Ace Ventura movie than on an NFL sideline.
Jimmy Johnson - Out Of Stock - I’d love to think Jimmy would take on more shot at it, in fact I thought the Danny would have made a run at him by now. Unfortunately, unless he can coach while knocking back a couple Heinekens and eating Nachos, no deal!
Dick Vermeil - Out Of Stock - Do you want a little cheese with that wine? You might get him to come in and interview, but in the end he’ll decide to stay retired, and everyone can have a good cry about it.
Bill Parcels - Buy Him Now $25 million - Yep, this oldy but goody is always looking for another dance partner. And it doesn’t matter is he’s under contract somewhere else, the Tuna is always ready to jump ship. He’s easier than Paris Hilton on a Vegas trip.
New Arrivals
Bill Cowher - Buy Him Now $50 million - When he decides to coach again, he will become the highest paid coach ever. Will he be worth it…all sales are final.
Brian Billick - Buy Him Now $15 million Or Best Offer - I cannot stand to watch another game with him as a commentator. Make an offer, I’ll listen.
Mike Holmgren - Buy Him Now $20 million - “Retired” to open a book store. Unless that store is full of West Coast playbooks, he’ll be back soon. Comes with an unlimited supply of Starbucks coffee.
Mike Shanahan - Buy Him Now $30 million - He’s a steal since Pat Bowlen will be picking up part of his tab. Let old “wooden teeth” coach and keep him away from drafting defensive players.
Tony Dungy - Out Of Stock - I’m sure a lot of teams will talk to him, but I truly believe he’s done. I don’t think any amount of money will make a difference.
John Gruden - Buy Him Now $25 million - The Bucs trades 2 #1 and 2 #2 draft picks along with 8 million for him. You think they should have shopped him a little before firing him with $17 million left on his contract? Another steal as the Glazers give you a discount.
I guess the point is there are some awesome coaches available. They have great resumes, that’s for sure. But you know what? At one point all these guys were no named assistants looking for their first break. Madden, Gibbs, Cowher, Dungy, on and on. So who knows what the right choice is?
Even if these guys never coach again, they have made millions and have had great careers. No need crying over them…well you can cry with Vermeil.
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Friday, January 16, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: head coaches, NFL, super bowl
Team USA Can’t Lose
Not with Bill Ripken coaching. This spring Ripken will be where he was born to be, in a dugout surrounded by Major League ballplayers. Ripken was chosen by Manager Davey Johnson to be one of his assistant coaches for Team USA in the World Baseball Classic.
Since retiring from a 12 year MLB career Bill has been the Co-Owner and Executive Vice President of Ripken Baseball. Along with his brother Cal, they have built a baseball empire in their hometown of Aberdeen, MD. So whether it’s teaching a seven year old how to field a ground ball, designing baseball stadiums, or running baseball franchises, it’s baseball 24/7 for the Ripkens. Along the way Bill has become one of the premier baseball instructors in the world. His enthusiasm for the game translates equally as well to an 8 year old, as it does a proven major league veteran. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting Bill it’s an experience I’m sure you haven’t forgotten. He certainly brings a presence.
When I wrote that Russ Grimm is the picture and epitome of a football coach, the same is to be said for Cal Ripken Sr. And when I look at Bill, I see Cal Sr. What I’d like to see is Bill on the Orioles bench for the next dozen years or so, and Cal in the owner’s box. But, I guess Peter Angelos isn’t as smart as I am. I mean it’s really easy to figure out, Ripken = Oriole. “The Oriole way” was lost long ago. Because the Oriole way is “The Ripken way,” born over 30 years ago in the lower levels of the Oriole’s minor leagues.
So for now, I’ll root for the USA and Bill this March. I didn’t follow the the Baseball Classic that closely 2 years ago. In fact, I was upset that it took a lot of the players away from the spring training games that I enjoy watching here in the Tampa area. However, this year I have a new found interest in our team and Bill succeeding.
Team USA will be training here in my backyard on March 1. I’ve noticed that a lot of players have been declining their invitations to play. I will tell you now Billy, that I will accept if you invite me to play. You know very well what I am capable of on the field. A career .550 hitter in the Ripken MLE, a figure that rises when facing Ripken pitching. I’m a little out of shape, but could still fill a Terry Crowley type of role (warning strong language) for Team USA!
Good luck Bill, and make sure you visit Lenny’s they make the best meatballs, just like Mama used to make!
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, MLB
Tags: MLB, Ripken, spring training, team usa
